This Rain Calls for NamArk

• Sara KasimJust in case none of you have been paying attention to rainfall in Namibia, I want to warn you that we need to start looking for Noah.

We just need Noah, any Noah out there. We need to start working on the ark, because these patterns are looking familiar. I read a tweet from someone asking what if the next pandemic is the return of the flood, and I got scared and started looking for evidence that the flood is next.

The signs are there for all to see with this rain stirring Namibians’ ancient beliefs and practices.

Namibians are panicking and acting like they are scared – just like the people who lived in the time of the devastating biblical flood.

Many have skipped showering and bathing for a week, because they believe you must not be in water when it rains.

You will also not find anybody wearing red, because Namibians believe the colour red attracts lightning.

All mirrors in black-owned homes have been turned towards the wall or covered with blankets and curtains, because it is believed to attract lightning.

As soon as it starts raining, everybody goes very quiet – as if not to disturb the angel watering Mother Earth, because it is believed thunderstorms do not like noise.

A few have already tried to pull down their pants and point their bare asses to the sky, as it is believed to stop the rain.

Okukanuna ombura, as a friend jumped at the occasion to educate me.

This is the exact behaviour of those who lived to perish in the great flood.

These are the signs of the times.

But it’s a pity that if Noah had to build NamArk, the entire project would be riddled with corruption, nepotism, tribalism and anarchy. Just think about it.

Who would Noah bring on board apart from his three sons and their wives? I don’t want to name and shame, but I have a good feeling a list already exists somewhere in the corridors of power.

No, don’t ask Meme SG, she is not sitting on it.

If only Noah’s little family is guaranteed, who do we squeeze in on board to ensure that all the genders are going to live on when the water dries up?

How do we ensure all the tribes survive to each have their chiefs and shenanigans?

I can hear someone working their way to the front with all their baggage, screaming: “Jou moer, my dear! I’m getting on this Kavango timber boat!”

While they fight over who was first on the party list, some would be protesting against why a mosquito must automatically get on board.

Why not a dragonfly if we need a useless flying insect with no real purpose in the food chain?

Others would be demonstrating against the elephant, fearing that the two picked would reproduce more menacing herds that would cause havoc to villagers in rural Namibia, while the tourism barons would be trying to get them loaded to restart the safari business when all is done and dry.

The donkeys in the Erongo and Kunene regions and at Epukiro would be seeking protection against being ridden, and would still be eaten in the new world.

The fish and other creatures of the sea would be asking why they must pay registration fees, considering it is just more water.

They would call it the greatest scam of all time.

I sure hope this rain would be just enough to allow our farmers to breathe a little easier.

But let’s start on the ark, just in case this is the end.

In an age of information overload, Sunrise is The Namibian’s morning briefing, delivered at 6h00 from Monday to Friday. It offers a curated rundown of the most important stories from the past 24 hours – occasionally with a light, witty touch. It’s an essential way to stay informed. Subscribe and join our newsletter community.