Patients Would Rather Be Arrested

Patients at the infamous hospital have been caught bribing doctors to change diagnoses for their illnesses to be classified as criminal. They are coming up with new levels of illness names like “;Criminal Phsycotic Pneumonia,”; “;Tuberculosis With Intent to Kill”; and “;Terrorist Diarrhoea”;, in the hopes of being arrested for carrying such a dangerous disease and eventually ending up at Windhoek Correctional Facility.

The point is that sick people wish they could be incarcerated so they could eat three healthy meals a day, wash their hands with hot water, read books, listen to music, heal, and, most importantly, live a pest-free life.

There have been no reports of rats or mice on the premises.

Inmates at the cozy Correctional Bungalows get-away, on the other hand, wish they were housed at the famous hospital so they could have a better chance of escaping, committing more rape, killing, or simply chilling and smoking “;epangwe”; on the rooftop overlooking the Swapo Castle.

They are aware that there is no real security at the hospital, as patients have lost phones, money and even their lives in fights.

I could be imagining things, but believe me when I say that your adversary can stab you with a knife in the neighbourhood, then follow the ambulance on foot to finish the job on the recovery table in the ER.

The point is that there was a time when no one wanted to go to prison, but times have changed, and no one wants to go to the Katutura hospital.

I propose that the ministry of health reintroduce the time-wasting updates, but this time make it about the fight against misery at that hospital.

We could get daily updates on the misery load as tested the night before, the number of mice and rats spotted, and where they are isolated.

Let us fight the hospital”;s state in the same way that we fought the coronavirus.

That is preferable to the minister claiming that people are to blame for the increase in rat and mouse populations because they do not finish their food.

I can only respond, “Please serve prison food to the patients, and they will finish it all, starving the rats, mice and other pests.”

I imagine the ministerial response will be that the colonial occupation and subsequent liberation war aided in the proliferation of rats at that facility.

Omo Shangula was last heard blaming mental illness in Namibia entirely on the “;oucoroni”;.

Omo Shangula appeared to have it all figured out during the lockdowns, but now that he isn”;t required to read WHO scripts, he is making things up as he goes.

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