Ground Handling Chronicles

We have been practising ground handling at Monte Christo for ages, making sure that the travellers, luggage, landing and take-off of those Ivecos go smooth, but Menzies decides that we don’t have experience.

Jou moer, my dear!

What could possibly go wrong with ground handling at an airport, you ask? Well, strap in, my friend, because the answer is Menzies – they might as well be on a first-name basis with the devil by now. I mean, we’ve been ‘parakatising’ (or attempting to move things from one place to another, for those not fluent in Montean) at Monte Christo long enough to have earned our doctorates in ‘baggageology’.

Imagine this: Nangula strolls in, dragging enough luggage to fill a donkey cart. And there I am, the maestro of baggage ballet, gently unloading her while simultaneously pointing her towards the minibus like an air traffic controller guiding a plane onto the runway. It’s like a well-choreographed rain dance, except with less feet-stomping and more rolling suitcases.

As far as I am concerned, I will apply for a job at Paragon Aviation right now because I want to contribute my skills and experience to build this country.

We have handled delicate cargo such as the infamous ‘Mairondopi’ plastic bag that fits two blankets, an entire groceries combo and a child without tearing the fabric. There is nothing we cannot handle.

Now, let’s talk about the silly notion that ground handling is all about strapping empty containers to a trailer. If that were the case, even a toddler with a toy toolkit could moonlight as a ground handler. But no, my friend, we’re talking about the whole shebang – handling arriving and departing flights on the ground, wrangling luggage like a kapana chef at Single Kota, and performing an aircraft maintenance dance that puts professional dancers to shame.

And let’s not forget the dedicated ‘Laai Masters’, whose competence has kept the Monte, B1 City, Wika Service and Rhino Park airports in top shape.

Here is a little joke I read the other day. A parent and their five-year-old child are at the airport, waiting to board their plane. They are looking out a window at various planes, when the parent asks the child, “Where do you think that plane is going?”

“Africa!”

“Oh, where in Africa?”

“To another airport.”

It is certainly amusing that even grown-ups in court claim that Namibians lack experience. Isn’t that the result of them being denied the ability to handle anything at all?

Every other industry in Namibia has the same mentality, and it will come to an end one way or another. Wait till you are told that you cannot be given the tender to transport bread to an elderly facility because you lack the experience before you have anything else to say about Paragon Aviation.

People are constantly eager to write off newbies by saying they lack the elusive quality known as experience. It’s comparable to suggesting that a four-year-old should not be allowed to run because they could trip and get hurt. But, the experience needed to run is in your ability to maintain balance while recalling the bruises from your first run. Right?

You could think I’m missing the point, but I’m actually creating a brand-new masterpiece on a canvas made of expertise, experience and a little bit of the charming Monte Christo Laai Master spirit.

Salutations to the bizarre realm of ground handling and the baggage pantsula!