• Monika MartinLet’s admit it, there is nothing as tough as forgiving a person who has deeply hurt you in the most unimaginable way. Cheating is by far one of the relationship heartaches that requires huge endurance and forgiveness from the wronged party.
It is emotion-wrecking and for some reason, it leaves the victim with deep feelings of betrayal, bitterness and most of all, they are made to feel like they are not good enough.
The Weekender chats to our readers who share their views on whether they will forgive a cheating partner or not.
“If I love him then I will give him a second chance, my love deserves a chance at flourishing as well,” says Emerrita Mathews. “I am not only doing it for him but I am doing it for myself because I believe that I cannot just throw away my feelings at the first sign of cheating,” she said.
“Besides, that might have been his first time and probably his last,” she said hopefully.
The popular saying goes, ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. Is this the truth or merely an overused cliche?
At the end of the day it all depends on an individual involved and how deeply, or not, the experience touched their hearts.
Words such as ‘side chick’, ‘side dish’ and ‘side n*ggas’ are used to refer to third wheels in relationships. It is sad to see that some people are content and even comfortable being part of the sides and are more than willing to settle for less.
Asteria Frans agrees with forgiving her partner because she would not want to concede defeat to the person her partner cheated with.
“Yes, I will forgive my partner because I will never accept being defeated by my partner’s side dish! I will forgive him just to show the side dish that I’m still the main chick.”
Many young people seem to have a point to prove. They try to fight their way to being the best for their partners even though they know that there is someone else on the side, supplementing their role.
Kaleinasho Pohamba believes that forgiveness is key. “If you love the person you will forgive him/her. So I will forgive my partner if he cheats once but if he does it a couple of times that means he is doing it intentionally and it is obvious he doesn’t love me any more.”
Pohamba says there is a limit to everything. “If the cheating goes on repeatedly then we will have to part ways because the love is not there any more, I may love him but he clearly does not feel the same, or he’s not just ready to commit.”
This is a clear indication that love can never be one-sided, both partners should be willing to make it work or the relationship will never survive.
“The first time I would believe that it was a mistake and that he regrets doing it, so he should be careful next time not to repeat it or else there will be no more us.”
An exact definition of cheating needs to be understood. Is cheating only for married couples?
This puts forward the fact that relationships are advancing with time and every relationship counts. Even if you are dating, just the fact that you agreed and promised to take care of the other person means you have the responsibility to keep them happy and you have no right to cheat.
No doubt, though, this issue is more complex amongst married couples as Nangula Nghipangelwa shared her thoughts. “For married women and men it is complicated, it becomes even worst when there are children involved, so all we do is master the art of patience and endurance. We try to hold it together because of the vows that we said in front of God, the law and our families. This brings us down to forgiving because we do not want to see our families broken.”
Married couples have the hardest time with this because they have obligations and sometimes bringing in a psychologist or a professional when working towards the journey of forgiveness is essential.
On another angle, is it only considered cheating when there is a sexual encounter? Studies have shown that every time you give an emotional piece of yourself to somebody who can potentially have sex with you or worse yet, share with them your intimate desires, then you are cheating, especially if there is secrecy involved. Besides the emotional involvement of intimacy may lead to sleeping together eventually. Some people may be looking for emotional satisfaction outside the boundaries of their relationship.
“In this case, I would say I will ask my spouse the reason behind his cheating. If it was dissatisfaction from my side then he should always be ready to talk to me and tell me what he expects of me. Communication is key but if he fails the next time then I believe that there will be no hope for us,” said Rosalia Haindongo.
“Cheating comes in various ways, even emotional satisfaction that you search for from other people is cheating because you bring a lack of emotions in your relationship as you are getting your satisfaction elsewhere.”
Even if you decide to stay or leave because of cheating, you should always aim to forgive. Forgiveness helps you the most, as it allows you to unburden your heart from all the hurt.
Communication is also key to everlasting relationships. “Forgiveness is human, everyone deserves forgiveness but not everyone deserves a second chance, though,” Naftal Metusalem concluded.
