“If they reach a point where they do not want to [relate with you], accept, thank them for the time they gave and walk away.”
It is the kind of relationship advice that sounds obvious until you remember how many people refuse to accept the end of a relationship.
A speech by Botswana president Duma Boko about love, marriage, divorce and gender-based violence has gone viral across Africa, with many praising its message.
Speaking at the opening of the 21st Botswana Defence Force Strategic Conference in Gaborone on 25 May, Boko urged restraint, discipline and emotional maturity when relationships end.
His message was simple: a partner is not property, rejection is not an attack and the end of a relationship should never become a reason for violence.
“You meet a woman and next thing you know you think you are the best thing to ever happen to her, not you are not,” Boko said.
“You are just a human being relating to this person. As long as they still want to relate with you. If they reach a point where they do not, accept, thank them for the time they gave and walk away.”
He also challenged the way society views divorce.
“If they have reached a point that they do not want to be together, that is what has to happen because if it does not happen, it may happen in other ways that we do not want,” he said.
Boko clarified that he was not promoting divorce but encouraging people to leave unhealthy relationships peacefully.
“I am not encouraging divorce. Let me be clearly understood. I am encouraging harmony, and where there is disharmony I am encouraging people to step back, step away even from each other and maintain that cosmic harmony that must always prevail.”
He argued that society often pressures people to remain in unhappy relationships, treating separation as failure rather than recognising that some relationships simply run their course.
Linking this to gender-based violence, Boko said many violent acts stem from an inability to accept rejection or change.
“It seems to me gender-based violence arises from an attitude of non-acceptance of certain realities,” he said.
His remarks challenge a culture that too often treats love as ownership. We buy dinner and expect access. We pay lobola and assume it replaces the need for daily consent. We mistake generosity for entitlement.
Boko’s message is a reminder that love is not a purchase agreement. A relationship does not give anyone permanent control over another person’s heart or body. Generosity should remain an act of giving, not a claim over another person’s autonomy.
– IOL lifestyle
