Namibians, we need to talk. Not everything we see requires an immediate opinion, a Facebook post, a WhatsApp voice note and a full investigation conducted from the comfort of our couches.
These days, someone can make one mistake, and within minutes the public has already arrested, tried and sentenced them. No evidence, no context and no opportunity for the person to explain. Just vibes, assumptions and: “I heard from someone who knows the family.”
The recent Mama Toromba situation showed us how quickly concern can turn into judgement.
When news circulated that she was missing, many people shared posts, prayed and hoped for her safe return. After reports emerged that she was safely home, relief was soon accompanied by questions, rumours and harsh comments.
Suddenly, everybody wanted an explanation. Some people were no longer satisfied that she was safe; they felt entitled to the full story.
We do not know what she experienced, what her state of mind was or what circumstances led to the situation. Until the people involved choose to share the details, the respectful response should be: “Thank God she is safe.”
However, social media detectives came out with magnifying glasses. Some had theories stronger than Nescafé. Haibo, Namibia! Sometimes we must learn to say, “I do not know enough to comment.”
We judge the woman who remains in a difficult marriage without knowing whether she is financially trapped or afraid for her children. We judge the man who lost his job and call him lazy without knowing how many applications he has submitted. We judge the young mother, the divorcee, the unmarried woman, the struggling student and even the person who suddenly stops attending church.
Someone gains weight, we talk. Someone loses weight, we suspect something. Someone posts too much, they are seeking attention. Someone becomes quiet, they think they are better than everyone. Eish, how must people breathe?
The truth is that we often judge others using partial information. We see one chapter and behave as though we have read the entire book. We observe a reaction but know nothing about the pain that came before it. We see the decision, but not the sleepless nights, fear, trauma, pressure or desperation behind it.
“Let the one without sin cast the first stone” is easy to quote until it is time to put down our own stones. Our stones may not be physical, but they come in the form of gossip, cruel comments, forwarded screenshots and voice notes beginning with, “Please do not mention my name.”
Being compassionate does not mean that we must agree with every decision. People should still take responsibility where necessary. However, accountability and public humiliation are not the same thing. We can ask sensible questions without destroying someone’s dignity. We can disagree without becoming cruel, and we can wait for facts before forming conclusions.
Before commenting on someone’s situation, ask yourself: How would I feel if my lowest moment became entertainment for the entire country?
Today it is Mama Toromba. Tomorrow it could be you, your sister, mother, child or close friend. Life has a way of humbling even the loudest judge. The same people typing “I would never” may one day find themselves doing exactly what they once condemned.
Let us become a society that leads with humanity. Let us check on people instead of checking their WhatsApp status for evidence. Let us offer support before opinions and prayer before punishment.
Sometimes the kindest and wisest thing to say is simply: “I do not know the whole story, but I hope they are okay.”
Put the stones down. We are all human, and none of us has lived a life without mistakes.
– Charmaine Tjizumaue writes on social issues.
