Why Are We Killing the Very People Who Gave Birth to Us?

In Oshiwambo, we often ask: “Oshike hatu dipaya ava vetu dala?”

Why are we killing the very people who gave birth to us?

This is a question every man should ask himself before ever choosing words or actions that cause a woman harm.

The headlines in recent weeks have been nothing but heartbreaking. Story after story reflects a painful reality as women continue to face violence within our communities. An overwhelming number of these cases involve women and children.

Media houses are flooding us with reports of murder, rape, torture and in the most tragic moments, women driven to harming themselves out of despair.

Gender-based violence (GBV) is not just a social issue; it has become a crisis, a national concern. One would say there is a trend among some men when they start committing these crimes.

For a fact, no sane man would ever raise his hand against a woman – especially a man who has daughters, because any father knows that the same pain he inflicts on someone else’s daughter could one day be inflicted on his own. But unfortunately, that is not the reality we live in.

The world is full of men who are emotionally unstable, filled with rage, lacking self-control, and driven by insecurity and violence – men who bully, manipulate, intimidate and abuse. These are the men who commit unthinkable acts – who torture, who brutalise, who murder. These are not strong men; they are cowards in the purest form.

Imagine the level of thinking it takes to stab a woman 10 times or more.

The most important question we must ask ourselves is: Why do men do this?

Why does GBV continue to rise despite the awareness and the campaigns? I am no therapist whatsoever, but there are absolutely no excuses, none to justify harming or killing a woman. Not infidelity, not anger, not jealousy, not money, not disappointment, and certainly not pride. Violence is no solution.

We cannot continue normalising or excusing such brutality.

We need to speak up. The more we raise our voices, the easier it becomes for those who come after us to do the same. By doing so we can protect the women and girls who continue to suffer in silence.

I was listening to an audio book recently.

Unfortunately, I can’t recall the author’s name, but one line stayed with me: “We struggle to speak about what hurts us the most because shame silences us.”

And that is the truth. Many survivors find it difficult to report abuse because they feel embarrassed, afraid of being judged, or worried that they will not be believed.

But one thing is certain: Abusers rarely stop on their own. They don’t wake up one day and suddenly become better people.

They won’t stop on their own, which is why we must find effective ways to make them stop. They get a sense of power and satisfaction by bullying, manipulating or physically harming others.

It becomes a pattern against their own emptiness and/or unresolved trauma. And sadly, individuals who are emotionally hungry, insecure or broken often lash out and become abusers.

Another question we often ask is: Why do some people stay with abusers? The answer is not simple. Abusers break down their victims mentally, emotionally and financially.

Over time, the victim may start believing they deserve the treatment, or that leaving is impossible. But the truth is, anyone who physically, emotionally or psychologically harms another person is dealing with deep psychological issues.

Abuse is not normal behaviour, it is a clear sign of a disturbed and unhealthy mind.

We need to speak openly about these realities.

Silence protects abusers; conversation protects victims.

If we want change, we must normalise reporting, support survivors without judgement, and hold abusers accountable for their actions.

– Meneer_SK is a passionate voice for men, advocating on issues that matter to men. Follow him on Instagram: @Meneer_SK

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