A bruised lip tells a story of violence, yet not every form of abuse is marked by a punch or a kick. Some abusers leave scars that are not visible.
When conversations around domestic violence arise, physical assault is often the first thing that comes to mind. But psychologists and social workers have long emphasised that physical abuse often escalates from more silent forms of harm.
Emotional, verbal and financial abuse hide in the shadows of our society. Unhealthy behaviours such as name-calling, constant criticism and financial blackmail have become normalised in some homes.
These toxic traits are rarely addressed in conversations about abuse but this does not erase their devastating effects on their victims – the slow erasure of their self-esteem, confidence and security.
Onlookers often question why victims don’t leave at the first sign of a red flag but abuse rarely begins with obvious acts of violence – it is often subtle and cumulative. It starts with small incidents that often go unnoticed. Backhanded compliments, controlling behaviours disguised as concern, restricting one’s access to friends, family and money, or even hints of threats to cause harm disguised as overprotection. Over time, these actions erode victims’ self-worth.
Abusers are skilled manipulators. They carefully study their victims, identifying their strengths and weaknesses. The main aim being to gain control and exploit the victims’ vulnerabilities.
Emotional, psychological and verbal abuse is less detected because of the way in which the abuser alternates between kindness and cruelty. An abuser may shower their victim with excessive attention or words of affection only to later become overly critical, humiliate them (often publicly) or suddenly withdraw affection.
This form of coercive control is often followed by gaslighting – the dismissal of the victims’ feelings or blame shifting. The constant shift between hot and cold fosters an environment of confusion and emotional dependency. In an attempt to obtain some form of stability, the victim focuses on the abuser’s moments of kindness while minimising or excusing the abuse.
These forms of abuse often feed into one another. Emotional and verbal abuse breaks down the victims’ confidence, convincing them that they cannot survive without their abuser. This dependency is further cemented with financial control such as threatening to cut off financial support, withholding money needed for essentials such as food, healthcare, housing, or transportation, or forcing someone to hand over their salary, pension, or benefits, and sabotaging opportunities for employment, career advancement, or education. These are all aimed at destabilising the victims’ sense of financial security or freedom.
The scars left by emotional, psychological, verbal, and financial abuse can endure for years. Victims often live with diminished self-esteem, loss of confidence, emotional trauma, and a profound sense of insecurity.
Through understanding the emotional and psychological impact of gender-based violence and supporting those affected, communities can be better empowered to join the fight. Abuse thrives in silence and isolation. Awareness gives it no place to hide.
– Maxma Haikera
