It is important to understand the difference between an emotion and a feeling.
Emotions are automatic, physical and psychological reactions to external or internal triggers.
A feeling is your mental interpretation that you take on as a result of an emotion.
Let me illustrate by example.
Suppose you are patiently standing in line at a supermarket.
The line is moving slow because the cashier is talking on her phone, but you patiently reserve your words.
The moment you get to the front, the cashier suddenly closes the till and stands up.
You politely inform her that you’ve been waiting in line, to which she responds “did I ask you to wait there”.
Pause here and think about what emotions would arise? What thoughts and words will begin to come out of your mouth? And most importantly, how would that interaction affect your next 30 minutes?
Therein lies the difference between an emotion and a feeling: You do not need to feel any and every emotion that arises in you.
The emotion of anger may come up in you.
But the feeling of anger does not need to.
The emotion of fear may present itself when doing something new, but that does not mean you need to take on the feeling of being scared.
Emotions are automatic and instinctual, but feelings are subjective and mental.
This is very encouraging because you can now begin to reign in control over that value area.
A feeling is optional.
The gap between emotion and feeling is called the refractory period, which is the space and time you must make for yourself to interpret and categorise the event in the way that seems most beneficial to you.
