Daddy’s Girl

“And we rode motorcycles, blackjack, classic vinyl, tough girl is what I had to be. He said, ‘Take care of your mother, watch out for your sister.’ Oh, and that’s when he gave to me…”

These are the lyrics from Beyonce’s country song ‘Daddy Lessons’ which details her life in Texas and what her father, Matthew Knowles, taught her.

Many people have a father figure whom they either love or hate, and it has been proven that this later affects the romantic or sexual relationships women have in future.

For those who have had father figures in their lives and were treated well, they subconsciously compare their partners to their fathers and attract similar characteristics. But the same can’t be said for those who lacked these important figures.

For rapper Lioness, who released the track ‘Daddy Issues’ on the ‘Ill4: The Sequel’ album recently, she reveals her relationship with her dad through her emotional rollercoaster through life.

“Not stable with men, I just seem to hurt them or hurt all their egos…” Lioness further revealed in the song that her ex thought that she was compulsive and let go.

Speaking on her relationships and how it was affected by her dad, Lioness said it was quite strong. “I always thought that I was in control,” she said. “I hated depending on men because I didn’t want to be disappointed and my pride kept all those doors closed. I didn’t open up and allow them to help me.”

As for how her relationship with her dad is fairing now, she felt that things had a chance to get better. “There’s room for that. Hopefully.”

In the acclaimed psychological journal psychologytoday.com, there are claims that very few women “did not unconsciously or consciously pick a romantic partner based on the characteristics of her father”.

This may not mean the physical aspect of it, but a more detailed look at characteristics reveals some truth to the theory.

For example, a woman may look for a partner that is not like her dad, but even that is based on the relationship with her father. It certainly seems as though absent fathers have an even greater impact on their daughters than they may think. The book ‘Need For Achievement and Sociometric Status’ by Teevan, Diffenderfer and Greenfeld reveal that “father involvement is also associated with less fear of failure” compared to those without biological fathers around.

Also, a study found that adolescent girls who experienced father absence while young were more like to have had sexual intercourse and seven times more likely to have been pregnant at an earlier stage.

In a Life Class special with Oprah Winfrey, author Iyanla Vazant shared wonderful advice for women who were still having problems with relationships because of the lack of their father’s presence in their lives. And the overall point was to work on ‘you’ first.

“Be willing to be with you until he/she/it or whatever it is shows up. But if you don’t want to be with you, why do you think someone else would want to be with you?”

A good quote to play onto this is from author of ‘The Confession of a Misfit’ Mokokoma Mokhonoana who wrote: “The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you raising?’ are not identical in all cases.”

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