Relaxation and wellness. These terms usually conjure up thoughts of a few golden hours alone in front of the TV, sipping on your favourite beverage and munching on something salty and dead. This after long, stressful days at work and weekends filled with DIY and BYOB.
It’s not often that men have the opportunity to relax and be pampered, have those knots in their backs sorted out and maybe even get a scalp massage… All this from a professional. And no, having your kids moonwalk on your back does not count.
The truth is that while women make no secret of their need to be primped and pampered, men often scoff at the cost and head to the nearest bar to rework their blown budgets. This too was my impression of the billion dollar beauty and wellness industry. They’re just too fancy and frilly, not to mention expensive… But just because we’re men doesn’t mean we don’t have to look after our bodies. So in the interests of men everywhere, I ventured forth to the land of scented oils, freakishly strong hands and Enya.
When searching for a spa in Windhoek, one is literally spoilt for choice. As I go down the line, every Google search result promises more relaxation and the ‘most cutting edge technology and techniques’. And when they say techniques, they mean techniques. They don’t just rub oil on your back and elbow out the knots.
Much-Needed Pampering
Therapists are highly skilled and have to know the body quite well to do this job. One example is when, during my pedicure (more on this later), the therapist used her strong stomach and knowledge of reflexology to read the bottom of my feet and concluded that I should watch my diet because “your cholesterol is a bit high”.
Not only that, as my ‘miracle worker’, Angelique from Breeze Spa at the Hilton Hotel informed me: “every person’s needs are different, that’s why it takes a good therapist to assess each client individually and provide the necessary treatments to help treat their qualms, whether that be cosmetic, holistic or even emotional”.
I arrived at Breeze Spa slightly intimidated. It’s the Hilton, after all. Surely it would be buzzing with high society ladies and rich playboys enjoying their conspicuous leisure, conspicuously. No place for me. However, as soon as I got to the ninth floor, all that faded away as I was warmly greeted by the staff of Breeze Spa.
As I settle into their very cosmopolitan reception area and drink in the view, I can’t help but feel relaxed already. There’s something about being so far above the hustle and bustle of these stress-inducing streets that makes you feel like you’re literally on top of the world.
I’m led to one of their rooms, where I’m told to get undressed. Ten minutes later I’m standing around in my undies, frantically Google’ing whether its proper to keep everything holstered or should I risk some erratic and potentially embarrassing blood flow by going commando.
Turns out that’s completely up to you. The therapists are trained to deal with the less glamourous bits of our anatomy, so should you get an accidental erection, they’ll just ignore it. Also: don’t be the guy to go around asking for ‘happy ending’! “It’s not going to happen, so spare yourself the trouble and don’t ask,” says Breeze Spa supervisor Virginia Brendell.
Angelique’s hands moved over my back, seeking out kinked muscles and kneading life back into them. You can just feel her 7-star spa experience in all she does. As I’m laying there drifting off to dreamy music, it literally feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I relax and concentrate on just breathing and feeling good.
For about 40 minutes I am massaged in the nooks and crannies of my neck and back I even never knew existed. It was over too soon, but to be honest, I could have easily laid there all day. We then went on to do a MicroZone Facial. Apparently it’s great for a quick, affordable and impactful facial. Now facials are meant to help you with issues such as breakouts, dull skin and tired eyes, but one can not put into words how fresh, light and radiant you feel afterwards. It feels like they’ve taken your face off and cleaned the inside.
We then move on to the manicure. Now I’m not proud of it, but I’ll admit I’m a nail biter… But after a trim here and there and some cuticle maintenance, my hands were gleaming.
It was then time for the feet. I’m not a fan of taking my shoes off in company halfway through the afternoon, but after a quick wash Angelique set about tackling my peds. “Being that they are cooped up in your shoes all day, maintaining good foot hygiene is very important. They’re the only pair you’ve got,” joked Angelique. She dove in and tackled my toes, clearing out those nails that were near ingrown and then buffing them until I could hardly recognise them.
As we wrapped up the session, I lay there, feet in the air with a face mask on and I couldn’t help but wonder why we men deny ourselves these wonders… I know we have other priorities, but surely our bodies should rank high on the list? Virginia went on to conclude by saying “more and more men are starting to be conscious about the health and appearance, so much so that the majority of repeat clientele we receive are businessmen looking for some downtime that will leave them feeling confident and energized”. Besides their excellent range of treatments, as a guest of the spa, you also have access to the heated lap pool, gym and steam room.
Holistically Speaking
Wanting to try something a little less traditional, I then went over to the newly opened Nomad Spa at the corner of Sanderburg and Jan Jonker Street. There’s no flashing neon sign letting you know where to park, it’s just a discreet home on the corner. Owner Marie-Ann Akwenye had previously run Sublime Spa, but wanted to bring a more African twist to the traditional ‘clinical’ feel most spas have. This led to moving to a much larger new property, where guests can unwind and recharge at their leisure, enjoy outdoor treatments and a healthy meal. Sounds like a dream, right?
Once you’ve parked, you’re greeted by a bevy of therapists who welcome you with bright smiles, drumming and champagne, before you’re taken inside to a dressing room. Opting again to keep my briefs on, I slipped on one of their pillowy gowns, thanked the heavens for my job and knocked back the champagne.
The Nomads were kind enough to sponsor me their 90 minute mini pamper package, which is perfect for a lunch time getaway if your boss is cool.
Mine is, so I laid down for my full body massage guilt free. Sadly I forgot the name of my therapist, but were I to remember, I just may write a song about her hands.
For over an hour she massaged my neck, my back and my legs. I was floating while she tended to the knots of stress which had pent up in my back after stalling my editor for many weeks for this very article. It’s only when the muscles in your hands are massaged, that you realise that they too are collections of muscles that are constantly in use, but are rarely given any more care than a touch of lotion.
Everything was perfect, only one thing kept me from totally zen-ing out. Being an African spa, Nomad does not play music in their treatment rooms. Now that’s fine if you’re somewhere where birds chirp and the subtle sounds of nature surround you, but being situated on Jan Jonker Road, I found myself mentally counting how many gears passing trucks took to get up the hill.
After the massage, I was led to the garden, where little personalised welcome messages were hanging. Surveying the grounds, I spot the pathways that lead to the various nooks where treatments take place.
Nomad has moved away from old school traditional treatments in pursuit of a more holistic approach. “You can have the same old manicure and pedicure anywhere and as soon as it’s done, you’re out the door, but here at Nomad, we offer our guests a relaxing escape in the heart of the city,” says spa supervisor, Yovitha Thomas.
“A lot of people, especially men, do not like fussing over a manicure, therefore we offer treatments like a hand scrub, which will leave your hands pristine, but not manicured and cosmetic. We feel this holistic and uncluttered approach offers a unique experience for anyone who visits Nomad Spa.”
Still in its teething phase, Nomad Spa offers something truly unique and I was especially interested in their night spa experience. In this package you arrive in the early evening and enjoy two treatments of your choice, before having dinner under the stars complete with champagne and chocolates. They also have a body scrub and outdoor shower and massage that I’ve added to my bucket list.
So there you have it. I underwent two glorious sessions at these two incredible establishments, all in the name of research. A special thanks to Breeze Day Spa and Nomad African Spa for opening my freshly mampered eyes to the fact that as a human being, my body needs to be cared for and so too my soul, which greatly benefited from this experience.
