When You’re Mad…

There comes a point in your life when you simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed and the rest of the day plummets into a series of terrible occurrences that drive you up the wall.

But what happens when you’re in a bad mood, how does this affect your partner?

No matter how calm you may be, it’s natural to get angry when things aren’t going your way. American preacher and evangelist Joel Osteen once said this about anger: “Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you”.

As much as we try to release our anger in different ways, sometimes it erupts into arguments with our partners, even though they had nothing to do with why you’re angry.

But what is the right thing to do? Push them away or keep them with you to comfort you? Petronella Gaes says it depends. “If my partner is the cause of my bad day, I would rather they leave me alone but if they are not the the cause, I would want them around.”

When a partner, however, is the cause of your stress, bolde.com noted that there are a few tell-tale signs you could be displaying, even if you don’t realise. “You roll your eyes a hundred times a day. His/her physical presence irritates you. You feel vindicated when s/he gets hurt or is in the wrong. You’re no longer generous with your time or emotions.”

Imms Vellippecka felt that the presence of his partner, no matter what day it is, always makes him feel better. “She is my partner,” he said. “She must be with me on good and bad days. I love her and that way, she has nothing to do with my bad days.”

George Jora-le Namiseb also shares these sentiments. “She must stay. Being alone makes you think about a lot of crazy things, she can take your mind off things.”

Women, it seems, also feel this way. “He must stay all day, every day. He just makes me feel so much better, you know?” Anna Shikwaya expressed and so did Vicky Mutwa. “Stay with me for sure. Be my distraction.”

When you see your partner is angry, it’s important to remember that it’s a completely different process. When they want to be near you, goodtherapy.com recommends that your part is to “be supportive, listen actively and ask clarifying questions”. Also, you have to remind yourself that your partner has been through several personal experiences, much different than your own. If you can understand their feelings, encourage them and simply be there for them, it’ll create a stronger bond.

“That’s the time I need her the most,” Angula DiCaprio commented. Heinrich Zemo also believed that having his partner around was key. “I would want her to stay with me,” he said. “I will feel much better.”

Sometimes it’s best not to push for explanations, though. “He must stay with me, but I would pretend that he’s not there unless he’s needed,” Kristina Wright shared. Even if his partner was the source of the pain, Eerike Ombahona Ngutjiua preferred that she stayed close. “Why sleep without reconciling? No one is perfect.”

Although the majority believe that staying with your partner is the best way to go when calming down from a bad day, some people were happy with their alone time. “I’m better being left alone for the time being,” Arbetule Alexha Nekongo said. And it looks like she’s not the only one. “I want to be left alone because I need time to get over myself, by myself,” Tuleingepo Shipindo said.

Whether you are mad at your partner or not, there are a few things to remember: Take a deep breath, try to calm down and tame your anger so that you can share with your partner what’s going on.

Keeping your feelings bottled up is never a good idea, so be honest and be caring, when you can, and they will reciprocate your feelings.

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