When It’s Time To Let Go

They say that all good things come to an end. At least, that’s how the saying goes. No one aspires to break up, but sometimes, the feeling nudges you so bad, especially when you’re in a relationship that no longer caters to your needs, that it’s time to let go.

The journal ‘Breaking Up is (Relatively) Easy To Do: A script for the dissolution of close relationships’ listed a 16-step cycle people go through before they finally end things. Often the first stage comes when one of the partners becomes disinterested. If they work things out again at some point, acting distant or noticing other people eventually comes into play and the cycle repeats until one finally decides to break things off.

The ‘s readers also had opinions on when to finally say goodbye.

“When it (the relationship) has served its purpose,” Pandeni Ipinge said. In other words, you’ll know when it’s time to stop fighting for it. For Wilson Gomes, it was about trust, hence, he would break up when “trust and honesty start to lack or fade and there is no disclosure as to why things are going off track. Wasting each other’s time is what actually hurts more, it’s very disrespectful. Don’t string along people’s children for fun, their mothers still care bout them. Be truthful!”

And other times, it’s better to let things go when you realise that you are no longer headed in the same direction. As Facebook user Firstlady Martin said. Rather break up “when you see that you are not getting what you’re supposed to get as a couple, starting from love and affection to time for each other or motivation and support. If your love starts lying and hiding secrets from you, then it is the right time to leave before you get hurt”.

As fun as relationships may be, Veronika Kaxweka said when you realise you’re in a toxic relationship, there is no measure for when to let go. It’ll be when “your heart gets frustrated and exhausted, when your heart can’t feel emotional attachment or when mutual understanding logs off and hate logs in”.

“Your heart can decide. You can get multi-million dollar advice to let go of such a toxic relationship, but if your heart is not ready, mission impossible. Let go when your heart feels like it has been taken for a ride long enough.”

Fighting may also be common in relationships, but when you’ve fought for too long, let go. “After you have fought to make it work and still it didn’t then you can gladly quit knowing you at least tried,” Moses William said. “In fact, it’s easier to move on knowing you fought and it didn’t work unlike when you just leave straight away without trying to mend things. You will have a lot of ‘what if’ questions. ‘What if I had done this or that? Maybe it would have worked’.”

Others, however, believe that it’s time to let go when you place things in God’s hands. “The best time to let a relationship go is when God says let it go,” Shapwa Kaulinge suggested. “What we need is a relationship with God first before any other relationship. With God, everything ends with His plans and His plans are our plans.”

Agreeing that the backbone of the relationship was important, both Katjikua Ndjengua and Queen Elizabeth Andreas said that if the foundation of a relationship crumbles, so will everything else.

“This includes trust, transparency, loyalty and mutual respect since love is a reciprocal undertaking,” Ndjengua said. And when a backbone is compromised, it’s a clear indication that the relationship is fading away. “Don’t force yourself to be in a relationship if things are no longer going well,” Andreas said. “Don’t expect a man to tell you that he doesn’t want you any more, you will learn it through his excuses, when he stops calling or texting, is always busy, knocks off late, is always out with friends, mocks/criticises/undermines you, etc. My dear, save yourself from being hurt, understand it and accept it. Build your life and see what the future holds for you.”

Betthy Amunyela also offered some advice for those who are afraid to let go: “We can all sense when a relationship is doomed, deep down you know, but you still hold onto it hoping you can work it out. In the process, you will start annoying the other partner because they are just waiting for you to make the call. Small signs show that things are damaged and nothing can be fixed other than to let go. If it’s meant to be yours, it will come back as they say, but it’s better than making a fool out of yourself”.

When your life feels like a nightmare, when you realise that there are a million secrets and forced conversations, when you realise the relationship has become one-sided… then maybe it’s time to cut ties and free yourself. And as Pummie Robinson said: “No matter how much it hurts, let them be, it will heal with time. If you cannot depend on a person and he/she makes you feel like you are forcing them to care, leave. Most of all, if the person breaks your trust, run for your life”.

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