When Flirting Goes Too Far

Flirting, otherwise known as romantic attention in scientific circles, stems from behavioural factors aimed at arousing a potential partner, sometimes without any serious intentions. However, flirting does not randomly occur

It is said to be derived from physical attraction, and because it is an effective socialising tool, it can lead to a casual relationship or something more serious.

With effective pick-up lines such as ‘did you die recently? Because girl, you look like an angel to me’, it’s not difficult for the recipient of such phrases to feel special. But how far is too far, especially for those in a relationship?

Does a raunchy text constitute cheating or a simple kiss on the cheek? Or perhaps a hug from a friend of the opposite sex wouldn’t do much damage?

The Weekender explores readers’ ideas about the boundaries of flirting.

“If you are in a relationship and you flirt, then you are cheating,” Hilma Angula promptly declared. “Flirting is looking for attention from someone you feel attracted to in some way. If you really loved the person you were in a relationship with, you wouldn’t have wandering eyes, and you would hide this from your partner because you know you are cheating.”

Opeyemi Toriola had a similar opinion on this. “Flirting is considered cheating when it’s done with a person aside from your partner. You would only flirt with a woman who is not your partner if you are interested in her and from the moment you thought about flirting, you already cheated!”

Elzaan van Wyk mentioned that flirting is a bad sign in a relationship. “When you are in a relationship and you flirt with other people, you can not be trusted. To flirt means that you are looking for attention. When you truly love someone, you will not think to flirt with others. A person who flirts cannot be loyal and respected when he/she is in a relationship.”

But Dantago Gurirab felt there was a certain boundary when it came to flirting. “I think flirting crosses the line when the actions become covert or so emotionally connected that you pursue said behaviour over furthering your committed relationship. Making arrangements to spend time with this ‘crush’, sending suggestive emails or text messages, or intimate, physical behaviour are clearly crossing the line if you are in a committed relationship with someone else.”

Agreeing with the statement of a lack of commitment, Jamesbond Katambo said that flirting showed disrespect to relationship values. “Flirting is one way to determine the stability of your partner’s commitment to you. It shows you signs – how easy-going your partner is, how trustworthy your partner is. Now, when your partner starts giving all their attention to flirting and forgets who you are, and all that was first to you comes last to you, that indicates the value of your relationship – it has become nothing and your love values shifted somewhere. That eventually becomes cheating.”

If your friends say it’s wrong, then it’s problematic, James Nampala said. “Pay attention if a good friend asks you why you are talking about this person so much, or if she says something like “wake up. You are married. He is married. You need to focus on what you have and stop obsessing about what you don’t”. Friends, sisters and mothers can often identify the red flags before a person is willing to recognise them themself.”

According to Tiago Azevedo, flirting brings about a sense of disinterest in the person’s current relationship. “Flirting is from the point you realised you stopped or never loved your significant other, because if you genuinely love someone, you’d never even think of betraying them, whether it is whispered words or physically.”

Fillipe Cellor said any kind of flirting is cheating.

“If you are flirting with someone, your partner isn’t giving you what you need, so you try to get it from someone else. If you are flirting through the message or calls and deleting them afterwards, then you are just trying to hide something from your partner and deep down you know it’s not right.” Vareezille Mbuala also felt that secrets were red flags. “If you can’t do it in front of your partner, you know it would hurt their feelings. When it’s hidden, it’s worse.”

Based on the comments above, many believe that flirting with someone else while you are in a relationship is wrong and that there is no specific line to cross. Also, a friend would always notice and stop you when you have gone too far. Some may agree, but it seems like everyone has their own idea of what flirting is and isn’t.

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