That wedding planning is stressful is a fact of the universe. Weddings have more moving parts than a galaxy. Dresses, suits, flowers, cake, chairs, tables, serviette rings, parents, friends, close family – all of these things float around the wedding’s gravitational pull, sometimes benign, and sometimes heading for the special day at the speed of extinction.
I am certain the PTSD brain scans of newlyweds and Vietnam veterans have numerous similarities.
And yet many of us plan on engaging in this documented madness. Some sooner than others.
Not everyone is initiated in the ways of sanity, though. Each one has to teach one, so here goes.
Get your household first. Strangely enough, this is even more fun and fulfilling than the wedding planning itself. Plus, if you spend all your money, you can finally have that small wedding you have always wanted.
Saves you from relying on a wedding registry to get your married life in order. It also prevents a stampede at the home stores when everyone tries to get you the cheapest gift on the registry.
Never ever say that what you are looking for is for a wedding. That’s like having an American accent in a Nairobi craft market. You are asking for a ridiculous markup to be slapped on whatever you are looking for.
The wedding industry is the last outpost of the Wild West. There are no rules, there is no sheriff. You have to get what you can for yourself as best as you can. Never ever mention the word ‘wedding’ when you are shopping around for quotes.
Digital invitations are the way to go. Save the Amazon and all that jazz.
Get a venue that comes with everything. The fewer moving parts, the better. If you decide to manage all the movable parts by yourself, bear in mind it will be like organising the D-Day landings. The stress that comes with such an undertaking is biblical and unnecessary.
Plated food is for savages whereas buffet-style catering is for the truly civilised. Seconds are also a thing. Everyone likes seconds. Absolutely everyone.
All flowers are dead on arrival. Pause and think about that. All of them are well on the way to joining the carbon cycle by the time you swipe your hard-earned thousands on them. Plus, no one ever remembers them. Everyone only remembers how much they spent on them.
Black people think RSVP is a kind of disease. Do not fight it. Do not try to reason with it. But this is how it will go: 20% of your guest list will RSVP by the due date in the requested manner. You will be lucky to get a WhatsApp message from everyone else two days before the special day.
Music. That is what everyone came for. Real talk. Do not invite people to your wedding unless you have Dalom Kids and People’s Choice lined up.
The biggest hack of them all: Do all of this once, and once only.
In an age of information overload, Sunrise is The Namibian’s morning briefing, delivered at 6h00 from Monday to Friday. It offers a curated rundown of the most important stories from the past 24 hours – occasionally with a light, witty touch. It’s an essential way to stay informed. Subscribe and join our newsletter community.
The Namibian uses AI tools to assist with improved quality, accuracy and efficiency, while maintaining editorial oversight and journalistic integrity.
Stay informed with The Namibian – your source for credible journalism. Get in-depth reporting and opinions for
only N$85 a month. Invest in journalism, invest in democracy –
Subscribe Now!
