Understand Her

We are a new generation of active thinkers who see life in a different way than before. With our voices finally being heard, it’s like someone said not too long ago: There’s no better time to be free than now and this freedom has made us realise certain things. And by us, I mean men and women.

Social media is one of the factors that helped us speak up – and for that, we’ll always be grateful because we are constantly gaining knowledge and breaking out of our shells. If we’re only going to live once, we need to use it well, and today, I’m going to share this with you.

A woman is not a toy.

You have no right to walk up to her, touch her or demand answers from her. If she doesn’t want to tell you where she lives, what her number is or where she is going, then you don’t have the right to force her to give you that information.

Wolf whistling is not attractive.

Sure, she’s going to notice you, but not for the right reasons. She’s going to look at you and wonder ‘why is this stranger treating me like I am an animal?’ No more. You want her attention? She’s going to need you to do it in a way that doesn’t make her feel inferior. Why? Because she’s been subjected to behaviour that hasn’t made her feel good about herself for a long time and that’s why she’s reluctant to speak to you.

You don’t know what happened in the past. What if the best gift she’s ever gotten from her ex-boyfriend was a response like ‘pass me the salt’ after she’s cooked her butt off to show how much she loved him?

You have no idea what she’s been through. Sweet gestures don’t come often and those you share with her are going to be cherished so much that you won’t even begin to imagine how she’ll repay you. And it’s going to be something amazing, that I know.

There was probably a man in her life who violated her in the worst way. Physically, emotionally, mentally – every single aspect you can imagine has left her shattered into pieces. And yes, it is possible for one person to do that.

All she ever wanted was someone to love, but that evil man took advantage of her and turned her into a slave. He objectified her so much, she almost believed that was all she could ever be.

Rape, violence, stalkers… all of it was a part of a twisted package of men in her life. They let her down and she shared this with you in confidence because you seemed trustworthy at the time. Don’t ever, ever, ever make her feel any less because of it. She’s still hurting and you’re going to hear her say that she doesn’t want her body any more.

She’s going to turn down any romantic gestures – even if you’re the sweetest guy – because her state of mind is so far gone that she’s convinced she’s less than her worth.

Healing takes time. Those wounds will close, despite the scars. It’s just that someone ruined her.

So don’t be surprised when she doesn’t want to talk to you when you approach her in the street. Society has made her fear for her life every single day.

She’s not like you. She can’t just go wherever she wants without being reminded that she is ‘just a vulnerable woman’.

All you need to do is remember that she just wants to be respected and understood.

In an age of information overload, Sunrise is The Namibian’s morning briefing, delivered at 6h00 from Monday to Friday. It offers a curated rundown of the most important stories from the past 24 hours – occasionally with a light, witty touch. It’s an essential way to stay informed. Subscribe and join our newsletter community.