The Talk: Cleanse Yourself

It’s almost like it was meant to be. Stumbling upon the Lighthouse Lifestyle Wellness Consulting studio in central Windhoek on a Thursday afternoon, and there owner Tabea Boye is, graciously offering her services to anyone who needs a bit of positivity in their lives.

According to Boye, they “offer tailor-made relaxation workshops and awareness coaching for corporate and private clients”.

Stress affects all areas of our lives, which in turn hampers our overall performance in life. And so, Boye offered some interesting advice for those experiencing strife this festive season.

“We tend to only see the negative in people, especially if they are close to us. They might do 95% right, but we focus on the 5% that annoys us. Be careful! What you focus on expands,” Boye said.

And if you focus too much on negativity, you’re going to aggravate the situation. “Focus on the nice stuff. Focus on what you appreciate about your partner. Encourage positive behaviour with compliments. Everybody loves that, but no one likes criticism. Lead by example.”

Also, expectations are something we place quite high in our relationships, but Boye stated that it’s time to let go of them.

“Make plans together; be specific about your needs and wishes. No one can read your mind, so don’t expect them to. As soon as you have expectations, you empower others to disappoint you. Remain in charge.”

Christmas time can be quite stressful, arguments often take place. But Boye advised that it’s important that you don’t take it too personally. “Breathe in deeply for 10 seconds before you speak and ask yourself: Will this matter in five years? Did you know that people’s actions are not about you, but about them? They might be struggling with something, they might feel insecure or they might worry. Nobody is perfect, yet we expect our partners to be perfect or to make us happy. That’s impossible.” Instead, remind yourself that your partner is human and perhaps they are just overwhelmed with what’s going on around them. Not to say that arguments aren’t normal – they are. But treat each other with respect and work on a solution.

“Respect is absolutely essential. Be open about yourself. Refrain from accusations. Rather let your partner know how this situation makes you feel. Give your partner the opportunity to understand you.”

In terms of how you feel when you’re stressed, Boye said that it’s important to create a healthy and balanced lifestyle. “Relaxation should be part of your daily routine. All too often we neglect ourselves, pushing against the limit and beyond. Studies have shown that 90% of diseases are stress related.” And according to Boye, it’s something we cannot ignore. “Usually we are looking for a quick fix, but relaxation is not an event, it’s a process – it’s a lifestyle. The secret is sustainable relaxation.”

And there are plenty tips to help you calm down, such as breathing exercises. “When you feel stressed, take a break. Close your eyes and imagine you are at your favourite place. Take deep slow breaths. Breathe out slowly. Repeat that at least 10 times. The extra oxygen will be reviving each and every cell in your body and calm you down. It relieves tension, is detoxifying and boosts your energy levels.”

Also, remember to focus. “Feeling overwhelmed? Take any object. Look at it as if you’re seeing it for the first time. Use all your senses: How does it feel? How does it taste? How does it smell? Does it make sounds? How does it look? Imagine a life without it. Be grateful for this object.”

And Boye mentioned that it’s crucial to prioritse things in your life rather than multi-task. “Multi-tasking is a myth. The human brain isn’t able to do two things at a time. It simply switches quickly between the two tasks. Write to do lists, try to optimise whatever you have to do. That way you have more time for relaxation.” And lastly, make time for yourself.

“Take yourself on a date. Pursue a passion, start a hobby! Get moving. Engaging in an enjoyable activity is good for your mental health, improves creativity, reduces stress and has physical health benefits like lowering your blood pressure,” Boye concluded.

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