If you happen to have read my previous column, welcome back. And if this is the first time we are meeting, I’m so glad you’re here.
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Charmaine and every second week, you’ll find me here sharing observations about life such as our little victories, our daily struggles, the lessons we often learn the hard way and the wonderfully imperfect journey of simply being human.
I don’t claim to have all the answers. In fact, I’m learning just like everyone else. But I do believe that sometimes, the best conversations begin with a simple thought and a willingness to see life from a different perspective.
So, let’s begin with a question.
Who sets the standard for your life?
It’s a funny thing when you stop and think about it. Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up an invisible checklist. Have the perfect career. Own a beautiful home. Drive the right car. Get married by a certain age. Have children. Stay fit. Always smile. Never fail. And somehow, still have time to answer every email, drink two litres of water a day and remember where you left your car keys.
Honestly, whoever wrote these rules must have had a few extra hours in their day.
The problem is that many of these standards don’t even belong to us. They’re borrowed from social media, from society, from well-meaning family members and sometimes from complete strangers whose opinions we’ve given far too much importance.
Before long, we’re living our lives trying to meet expectations we never created.
And that’s exhausting.
I think many of us have convinced ourselves that happiness is waiting just around the corner.
“I’ll be happy when I get the promotion.”
“I’ll be happy when I lose the weight.”
“I’ll be happy when I buy the house.”
“I’ll be happy when people finally see my worth.”
The trouble is that happiness keeps moving. Every time we reach one milestone, another one appears and we postpone our joy yet again.
But what if happiness was never waiting at the finish line?
What if it begins the moment we stop comparing our lives to everyone else’s?
I’ve come to realise that the happiest people aren’t necessarily the wealthiest or the most successful. They’re often the people who know who they are. They’ve stopped chasing approval and started living according to their own values. They understand that peace is far more valuable than pretending to have the perfect life.
And I think that’s where confidence begins.
Real confidence isn’t loud. It doesn’t need to prove anything. It doesn’t seek validation from every compliment or crumble under every criticism. It’s the quiet belief that says, “I know who I am and I am enough.”
That kind of confidence changes everything.
It gives you permission to say “no” without feeling guilty. It allows you to celebrate someone else’s success without comparing it to your own. It reminds you that your journey doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful.
Most importantly, it attracts the right people into your life.
When you’re comfortable being yourself, you stop trying to fit into spaces that require you to shrink. You begin to build friendships, relationships and opportunities based on authenticity instead of approval.
Will you still have moments of doubt?
Of course.
We’re human.
There will be days when comparison sneaks in and your confidence feels a little shaky. On those days, remind yourself that your worth has never depended on someone else’s opinion.
So, before we part ways until the next time, here’s one thought I’d love to leave with you.
Set your own standard.
Not one created by social media, society or the expectations of others.
Choose the standard that brings you peace. Choose the one that allows you to sleep well at night, to laugh freely, to love deeply and to be unapologetically yourself.
Because true happiness isn’t found in becoming who everyone else wants you to be.
It’s found in having the confidence to become who you were always meant to be.
– Charmaine Tjizumaue writes on social issues.
