The Mother’s Day Photo

The surprising thing about Mother’s Day is that it’s actually a family’s time to shine. Though mothers are certainly the main characters, the diamonds of the season and veritable stars of the show, the reality is that it’s up to partners, fathers and children to make the day sparkle.

In a world where mothers are expected to do pretty much everything, this is no easy task. Even a classic like ‘the ole Mother’s Day breakfast in bed’ requires somebody else takes on what the United Nations reports is 16 billion hours of unpaid care done globally by women every day. This unpaid labour includes cooking, cleaning, fetching water, looking after children and caring for the elderly.

If you’re a present father or parentified eldest child whose dad has long since flown the coop, planning a simple celebratory breakfast in bed necessitates you do some of this work to free mum up to get ready for ‘the Mother’s Day photo’. You know the one. The image that will be the crowning glory of her WhatsApp status, Facebook feed or Instagram story.

Maybe the breakfast you just made will be featured, tilted aesthetically towards the camera. Perhaps you’ve splurged on some cupcakes, a box of chocolates or a bunch of flowers and those will be positioned prominently as a symbol of the family’s appreciation and undying love.

If you’re really cooking with gas, maybe mum is wearing the new dress you bought her for the occasion. It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy, but there’ll be bonus points for pinks and fanfare for florals. The Mother’s Day photo requires some tenderness, a plume of prettiness and soft light.

Beyond breakfast, this is where you, husband, partner or dear child, can truly make mum’s day. You can take a photo of her that is flattering, fabulous and bound to get at least five likes on social media. You can listen to instructions, make sure the lighting is good and take as many photos as she likes because mothers are beautiful and deserve to feel like it.

Unfortunately, all too many mothers don’t. While all women are subject to toxic beauty standards for the entirety of their days on earth, child birth and the persistent work of child-rearing can alter a mother’s body, face and body image.

Between the physical changes that occur during pregnancy and the ones that stay postpartum, the cortisol-spiking sleep deprivation, lack of time to exercise and the seemingly controversial act of ageing, mothers’ bodies change.

But the wonder of them should be celebrated. Mothers are vessels of life and they are beautiful at every stage of their journey, even when ‘bounce back’ culture is rife and their once praised pregnant body suddenly becomes an issue to correct once it’s postpartum.

Some people smirk at the Mother’s Day photo.

They forget to take it. They rush mothers through it, not giving the matriarchs a moment to dab on a little lippy or run a brush through their hair, if they feel like it. They roll their eyes at the sentimental caption she’ll eventually post as she sends the image far and wide and they wonder why it’s such a big deal.

But the Mother’s Day photo isn’t just a photo.

It’s a celebration of a mother having survived another year that may have pushed her to her limit. It’s a mum smiling from within the life she’s nurtured with a family who loves her. It’s the foundation on which all families are built finally taking a break from being the rock. It’s a human, fallible as we all are, wanting to chronicle that moment to look back on during the more challenging days that she knows ebb and flow.

For the family taking the photo or watching from behind the camera, the Mother’s Day photo is a time capsule. It’s mum, there and alive. Two things she won’t always be.

It’s a reminder that you should take more photos of and with your mother because one day, sooner than anyone ever thinks, they’ll be all you have.

Moments captured in frames and in memories.

– martha@namibian.com.na; Martha Mukaiwa on Twitter and Instagram; marthamukaiwa.com

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