The Friend With All The Benefits

Most of us have seen the movie ‘Friends With Benefits’ starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. A woman and a man have a casual relationship with no strings attached, only for them to start falling for each other.

But does it always happen in real life? And is this a realistic expectation that people should have? Of course, it’s no surprise that not everyone feels the need to exclusively get into a relationship – it’s hard work. But if you do consider a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship – what exactly are the pros and cons to it?

The rules to this kind of agreement are tough to come to terms with – should you be seeing other people as well? Should you restrict your behaviour when it comes to other people? And what happens if one of you catches feelings?

The main reason for being FWBs is usually because of sex. There are no labels attached to the relationship, and you are free to do as you please. Sometimes it involves more than sex – all the benefits of a relationship, without the relationship. Sounds easy, right? Well… not so much.

“If people agree to be used then do not complain if you are insulted, degraded or abused,” Elzaan Renee van Wyk said. “If you agree to such a relationship, know that it is not love. Do not expect honesty and loyalty. In my opinion, it is wrong and nothing good can come from it.”

It is true that over time, one of the involved parties could become too attached to this kind of relationship and end up feeling jealous. Also, there could be a lot of disappointments. Forcing this from the start could lead to many complications as well – because looking for a certain level of mutual respect and maintaining communication could backfire badly. If they don’t answer to your call, would you be angry about it? Also, would you require that they come whenever you need them, or are they allowed to do their own thing?

This brings about the question… should boundaries be established? Or is it simply wishful thinking believing that a FWB relationship could last for years and years to come?

According to Alexandra Tavares, there was nothing good about being in one. “They drain you,” she said. And Mukoya Junior Edward III found it necessary to be respectful of one another. “If there is respect and no one is developing any fresh feelings, then there are no cons.”

Of course, having sex is an intimate act with someone. Feelings are bound to happen at one point. And respected journal Psychology Today states it clearly: “When you’re sexually involved with someone you already care deeply for, emotions build, as does trust, intimacy, connection, and familiarity.”

Completely pushing aside these feelings and emotions, which should be positive, could open up a can of worms – a dangerous can of worms, in fact.

“Just don’t do it. That’s my advice,” Mbarira OmuKuuonga said. And a question Tiger Kanezaki couldn’t help but ask was this: “How would you be certain that feelings would never develop?”

Looking at all these points, it seems that there are more disadvantages to this relationship than advantages, especially if you know that you’re the type to develop feelings.

But sometimes it happens when you aren’t even ready. So is it wise to go ahead and start something?

It’s up to you. However, be sure to establish what you want in the relationship and what should happen if feelings develop. Because if one of you ends up falling in love, it’s make or break.

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