The Cohabitation Question

When is the right time to move in with your partner? Traditionally, this wasn’t even a real question. Partners chose to live together after marriage as these were the values purported by Christianity.

But over the years, this has changed as people live by different beliefs. Many modern couples are opting for cohabitation for various reasons.

According to a study done by Arielle Kuperberg, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, “cohabitors move in together and start trying to act ‘married’ at a younger age than couples who marry directly”, because they want all the benefits of marriage, without the actual marriage.

Other couples are opting to do so for the sake of taking care of the children they have together. After all, life isn’t the way it used to be before. There is more freedom of expression these days and this means each person chooses to live in a manner that suits their views on life and their morals.

Some people are still choosing the traditional route, one of them being Facebook user Cashmanjnr Gudmanskap. “When you are married. You may visit each other’s places, for days or even a month, but not permanently before the big day.”

Zwelibanzi Kandudu also felt marriage was the right time as well as Daves Davidson. “The Bible states that therefore shall a man leave his mother and father, and be with his wife, and the two shall be one flesh, meaning both should move in together once they’re married.”

Written in the research journal ‘The Pre-engagement Cohabitation Effect: A replication and extension of previous findings’ by Galena Rhoades, Scott Stanley and Howard Markman, research found that cohabitating before marriage was a recipe for disaster, although newer research said that the benefits of cohabitating are slowly but surely increasing in terms of emotional balance.

“I strongly believe it is right to do it just once you got married. Cohabitation must fall and we must go back our roots,” Julie Ndatitangi Amunyela said.

The traditional way of living may be common, but there are some who don’t feel it’s necessary to conform to the rules. Speaking on the right time for moving in, Werner Chongera Januarie said: “Immediately when you feel comfortable around one another or with each other. If you feel comfortable on the first day, why not?”

Chrizo Shindinge felt a longer period of time was required. “After a year! At least then you get to know each other well. Once you rush into things… my dear, you’ll crash!”

Nicoh Skele believes a couple of months is sufficient time to make this decision. “I will prefer moving in together at least for some months before getting married. You need to know and learn about the person you are marrying. Weekends are not enough because people can pretend for the benefit of what they want when they visit.”

But is there a time or age limit on when to move in?

“When you feel you are ready, then you can move in, Ned Beatmo said. “Although nowadays, there is no true love any more even if you wait for many years. Things will turn out sour and you will start regretting it. It’s better to move in when ‘the iron is still hot’.”

H-son Josua said that being 28 is mature enough. “The right time is when both partners are over the age of 28 years old when they are able to commit, be loyal to each other and be supportive to their families. When you move in, swear that you will not make a u-turn.”

For Jeremy Sivambo, 50 or older was best. “I think it’s better to move in if both of you are in your 50s. Love will be perfect.”

Although these factors are important, having a job is just as important. “Staying together is a test to see if you can handle married life and whether you have the right person. I live with someone (we have a prince together), and I am loving it. If God blesses us, I don’t think there will be anything to stop us from getting married, because we now know each other traits now,” Derrick Fula Kwami said.

Closing off the discussion on age, Lovisa Ndatunga Nghiikupembe felt that love does not require months or years.

“You just have to know, love and appreciate the person for who he/she is. Any time and any day they can move in, but about marriage, at least know your spouse for more than two to three years to avoid divorce after one week.”

If you ever are going to take the big leap, however, the thoughtcatalog.com suggested five questions which need to be answered: How are you going to split things financially? How are you going to run the household? How will you handle fights?

What does quality time look like?

Who gets to keep what? Once these are answered, maybe then, you can think about what you want to do next.

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