The Cheating Game

Cheating is a traumatising experience. Some people can handle their partners doing it to them, but others can’t. Many people have gone to counselling over it, with a handful seeking therapy to repair their relationship.

In some instances, cheating creates an irreparable rift, with the victim of the situation losing trust in their partners completely. It is the reason for a break-ups and it is the reason for divorces. And the excuses have been plenty. Those who have been hurt, however, shared their experiences on social media with The Weekender.

Josure Endjala, for example, said that it almost drove him to violence. “I thought deeply and listened to my advisor. He said no to it, now I’m living a good life and I realised that she was not for me. So my fellow men out there, cry and fight for someone who can change your life. Be a builder, not a destroyer.”

About eight years ago, Miel Kawana had to go through a cheating experience. “I made him stay in the rain with his cell phone until the rain stopped.”

Hannah Auala said being cheated on hurt, especially since her ex was in denial. “There was evidence that he cheated, but he denied it when I asked him about it,” she said. “I had to go through his phone to show him that I knew about the other girls and he still denied it until I told him that I didn’t want him any more. That’s when he got confused about it. What hurts the most was him telling me that he never cheated and was in denial. I felt useless to the point where I didn’t want to go through another relationship. But as they say, ‘one man’s ex can be another man’s treasure’. I am someone else’s treasure and I am very happy. Even though I have trust issues, I know one day I will get over them.”

Sometimes cheating also leads to thoughts of suicide, as Godly Halwoodi shared: “She cheated on me and I almost hung myself because I spent a lot on her. The day I found out was midnight when she called me. Maybe it was by mistake, because when I answered the phone, she was not talking. Then I decided to call back. A guy answered her phone asking who I was and it was around 02h00. I drove to her place and didn’t find her there. Her phone was off then, so I decided to buy myself a bottle of whiskey so that I could sleep, but it didn’t help. I finished the whiskey in an hour.”

And it may be difficult to believe, but Senior Jeffy Siera stayed even though he was cheated on. “Cheating doesn’t have an end,” he said. “I was cheated on a few months before the wedding and all of the sudden the baby was born few days before the wedding day. I wanted to call it off but with these culture stories… And friends tried to convince me not to.” And so he stayed. But he realised something else: “Two months after the wedding, I found pictures of the baby in the phone which meant the cheating was continuing. This is just a burden. Filing for a divorce will be the last option in my life, because I swore in front of my family that only death would do us part. I’m not afraid of cheating any more, but I will not cheat at all”.

Cheating is a burning issue, Selma Hailonga said, and is a lot deeper than people think it is. “It’s happening, destroying, killing, breaking hearts and mostly causing mistrust. We do not deliberate openly on issues that affect us. We cover up until we are no longer there or find ourselves in a box for close examination.”

And it may be sad, but it’s true. Dalene Kharises said it was an emotional topic. “The person I love the most till now destroyed my life and it’s hard to take that step forward. I would give him anything he needed for the love I had/have for him. Going back home every December seeing him would break my heart cause I was just a puppet, I guess. I even rejected a marriage proposal for him but it was stupid of me. Instead, I am living a regretful life now”.

Although it could be difficult to do so, sometimes there’s no other choice but to move on. And as Paz YaKapofi said, you need the strength to overcome it. “I had my share but I took it as part of life and moved on.”

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