Sharing Secrets for a Long-Lasting Marriage

American author Barbara De Angelis once said “the real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue.

It’s a choice you make – not just on your wedding day, but over and over again – and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife”.

This quote among many others sums up the wonderful world of marriage and Thomas and Yvonne English are testimony of that. Married for 30 years, the couple spoke with pride about the love they have for each other and how their relationship continues to stand the test of time.

Their love story is quite sweet, in fact. They knew each other for a long time, attending the same school since Grade 1. Being friends didn’t come long after – it was almost as if it was bound to happen. And just as their friendship bloomed, so did their love.

In Grade 11, they finally decided to take the next step and started dating. Ever since then, it has been official. “We didn’t break up or leave each other… We wanted to stay together and love each other,” said Yvonne. And on a beautiful day on 26 September 1986, the couple got married.

The ‘honeymoon stage’, as it is widely known was bliss, Yvonne said. “Even though we had different characters, we learnt how to adapt to each other’s personalities and love each other. I submitted to my husband and in turn, he always took care of me. He never raised a hand or anything like that. We just kept our love growing.”

As a husband, Thomas said marriage is beautiful and there are so many things to keep in mind when taking care of your wife. “You must be partners and especially good friends. There should be a lot of respect in marriage and that’s what counts. We aren’t made the same way, so we learn to love each other more with the years.”

For youngsters who are eager to get married, he also had a few tips to share: “Love each other and the other things will fall into place. Be friends. You understand more the older you get.”

His wife had her own advice to share: “There are five things that every marriage needs that I live by,” she said. “Thoughtfulness, respect, affection, encouragement and partnership.” And with each aspect, there were quite a few things to add.

“Thoughtfulness is the fuel that keeps marriage going. We’re thoughtful with our friends and family and sometimes we leave the leftovers for our marriage, but it shouldn’t be like that. They should be number one,” she said.

In terms of respect, English felt that it was necessary on a daily basis. “No marriage can survive without respect. You have to show your partner respect.”

Equally Yvonne says happy unions require effort.

Keeping God at the centre of their relationship is also key. “We are not perfect, but we learnt the value of forgiveness and grace. Bitterness has no place in a marriage, let it go.”

Concerning affection and encouragement, this is what Yvonne had to say: “It’s a lot more than just sex. Touch each other, hold hands, cuddle each other or even give each other foot rubs. Don’t be his/her critic all the time. Be the one who wipes away the tears and not the one who causes them”.

Lastly, there’s partnership. “Your spouse has seen you at your worst, endured your habits and still loves you more than anyone on earth. Partnership is a daily thing. Husband and wife must work together and that is why trust is of the utmost importance in a relationship.”

With four adult children and the proud grandparents to six grandchildren, Thomas is particularly proud of their legacy. “The children are out, so it’s time to take care of ourselves now!”

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