Sacrifices

“I don’t love you.” I stared into his eyes as I said this and all I could see was heartbreak.

What he didn’t know was that I felt the same way. Probably 10 times worse. Pain settled in my chest, but I tried my best not to flinch or hold my heart in despair. It would have broken my act completely and I would have failed to protect him. Because this was what it was all about – making sure that he could live happily for the rest of his life without having anything negative hanging over his head.

“What did you say?” I detected a combination of surprise and sadness in his voice. Wow. What was I even doing to myself?

“I said I don’t love you.” Those who knew me would have figured out by now that I was lying through my teeth. One of my colleagues walked by, equally surprised by what I had just said, but he scurried off as if he hadn’t heard a thing. At least he could do that. But Jackson couldn’t run away from this. The saddest part about this story was that he had just confessed how much he loved me a few minutes ago – words I had been waiting to hear for years.

He slowly let go of my hand and the cold wind grazed my empty palm.

“I’m sorry,” I told him and returned to my office upstairs. Tears were ready to spring from my eyes, but I prevented myself from blinking too much otherwise it would have been a catastrophe.

What did I just do? I thought to myself. Unfortunately it was something I had no choice over. Jackson would have been hurt if we were together. I would have been hurt if we were together.

“You actually went through with it. Congratulations,” I heard from the door. I looked up to find my former best friend gloating over the fact that I had to reject the only man I have ever loved.

“Are you happy now?”

“Oh, I’m so happy right now. Like the saying goes, if you love someone you have to let them go. But it’s too bad he’ll never come back to you.”

She moved to my desk and stood over me as if she was flaunting her dominance over the situation. “Because you know very well that I could destroy him if I wanted to.”

She was right. I knew it all too well.

Liescha knew Jackson’s secret and threatened to ruin his life, career and dignity… And because of that, I couldn’t let anything happen to him. Even if I loved him, it was a sacrifice that I had to make…

Sacrifices for love. Sad, isn’t it? There are people out there who love so genuinely that they would do anything, even sacrifice their happiness for someone else’s. Would you call that love or would you call that a step into insanity? Would you save someone else and protect them in any way you can, and at the same time teach yourself how to stop loving them so that they can live their best lives? Even if it means breaking your own heart and being sad for a greater part of your life?

A relationship requires so much – it’s not just getting together and living happily forever. There are going to be challenges. There are going to be difficult situations you’ll have to face. And this is what you need to realise when you take that step. This is basically the theme of October with this column – is the person you love worth sacrificing for or nah?

In an age of information overload, Sunrise is The Namibian’s morning briefing, delivered at 6h00 from Monday to Friday. It offers a curated rundown of the most important stories from the past 24 hours – occasionally with a light, witty touch. It’s an essential way to stay informed. Subscribe and join our newsletter community.