Removing Your Ex From The Picture

According to a study done in the US, particularly the University of Waterloo’s department of psychology, “when memories feel closer to the present, those memories are construed as more relevant to the present and more representative of the relationship”.

Although past misdeeds seem like they may have happened a long time ago, they tend to feel more painful in the present because of the attachment we place on relationships, especially when it may have seemed ‘perfect’. But what happens when you move on and find someone else? Is it natural to have some keepsakes of the past, or is it more reasonable to delete them all?

The Weekender explored this burning question.

“They say in order to start a new chapter in life you need to stop rereading the old chapters. So yes, delete the pics and let’s create our own memories,” Kilian Uushona said. They call it the ‘digital remains’, that is, the pictures and any evidence of the relationship on social media. Many have taken to deleting photos of their exes because the memories are just too painful.

“Someone’s ex already refers to a person who was their husband/wife or partner in the past. It’s a huge disrespect for your partner to carry anything that has to do with their past affairs into the new relationship,” Bonifasia Siteketa said. Shawn Davids agreed. Delete everything. “Why should we keep them?” he asked.

Despite the challenges that may have come with the relationship, certainly exes contributed to a part of your life in which you were once happy. “An ex is a very important part of one’s life. A person learns a lot of good and at times bad things during a relationship so keeping mementos is a very complicated issue,” Rasley Brad Katji said. “It all comes down to feelings and current and future relationships.

If you are not in a relationship and do not plan on being in one in the immediate future, it all comes down to how the pictures make you feel. If you are in another relationship or plan to be in one in the near future, pictures of old lovers might be an issue; however, if they really mean enough to want to keep around, it is best to be upfront about it and talk to your partner about the reasons behind this.”

Lauren Mutalife also discussed the benefits of keeping these mementos. “They call them an ‘ex’ for a reason, right? With that in mind, there are people who believe that when a relationship is over, ties need to be cut. Your ex needs to be blocked from your phone, their photos deleted from your social media and all mention of them needs to cease,” she said. “But for many people, the end of a relationship doesn’t always have to be so… final. While you may not keep their number in your phone, you might keep them as a social media friend and even hold onto a few photos here and there for memory’s sake.”

“But would they delete the pictures from their hearts?” Peter Katonyala asked. “Delete or no delete, if they are still in love, they still are. If the person is in their right mind and wants to keep their memories for whatever reasons, then maybe they should keep the photos, etc., in a sub-folder on a rarely used computer!”

Success Da Silva finds the idea of his partner holding onto memorabilia of an ex disrespectful. “First of all, that means she still loves her ex. Secondly, she still wants to keep contact with him and thirdly, she does not respect her new partner. We all have exes but due to the love I have for my partner, all I would want to keep in my phone is my girlfriend’s number and pictures. Only those who do not value their partners will keep their ex’s numbers and pictures in their phones.” Facebook user Law’Yal An Nah agreed. “Pictures should be deleted and new memories should be created.”

For Filipe Raquaan Cellor, it was important for his girlfriend to delete her ex’s photos because it would bring about uncomfortable memories. “If we are arguing, she will tell me about her ex and she will stare at those pictures. This will make me mad and think about unnecessary things. Please delete the past and enjoy the current.”

This seems to be a sentiment shared by many, including Precious Kawana. “What’s the point in keeping her pictures on his phone? He needs to show that he has moved on with me and moving on means leaving everything about her in the past and starting afresh with me. Her pictures out and mine in. Or else, it’s just going to create room for suspicion and doubt which are unhealthy for a relationship, especially a new one that is still trying to establish trust as the foundation.”

Shane Edhinga felt it was important to delete ex’s pictures because “keeping videos or pictures will just activate the thought of old memories they had together. It pops up into their mind which you can’t control but some things should be avoided”. Jepeni Mandume said it was “better to keep the old memories for future history” and it’s interesting to note that there is a Museum of Broken Relationships based in Croatia. This physical and virtual public space was created with the “sole purpose of treasuring and sharing your heartbreak stories and symbolic possessions” as some people feel it is important to be reminded of what was loved and lost.

“We all have a past and met people before we became a couple,” Ndjamba Linyondi said. “In future, one should look back and say ‘because of all these people, I found you’. If if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have met my current partner. But deleting the pictures is a sign of insecurity. Just because we were dating doesn’t mean he was the first in my life. If people have an issue, then they should get stepping.”

“No hard feelings,” Salom Mbinga said, while others concluded that it was really up to the person. “It’s up to your relationship values. Keeping a photo is not a problem but a gallery is a big no-no,” Rusten Muranda concluded.

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