Men’s Struggles With Mental Health

As men, our mental health is greatly determined by how we navigate the invisible battles in our minds.

These battles are mostly waged silently and often from a place of vulnerability and loneliness.

Some vow to never share their battles but to rather take them to the grave. 

Men are expected to be strong, to ‘kukut’ (men don’t show weakness), to be unyielding and unbreakable.

Cultural expectations and our upbringing drive us to bury our vulnerabilities and rejections, fearing that to show weakness is to admit failure.

For many men, acknowledging our mental health struggles feels like a betrayal of an unwritten rule of masculine strength.

Proverbs 24:10 says, “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small”. This is not a call to weakness but an invitation to recognise that true strength is rooted in our ability to acknowledge our limitations.

Without admitting our struggles, we cannot begin the journey towards mental wellness.

THE FEAR OF VULNERABILITY

Truth be told, men face an increasingly heavy yoke.

We perceive vulnerability as a threat to our masculinity. In fact, it is one of our greatest fears.

We tend to guard our hearts by shielding ourselves from emotional exposure.

This often leads to self-isolation; we retreat into our shells, unwilling to seek help for fear of being seen as weak or broken.

It is important that we connect and support one another in overcoming mental health challenges. A burden shared becomes lighter for the carrier. 

Let’s risk sharing our struggles to avoid being crushed by the load, sadly often manifested in the form of suicide, gender-based violence (GBV), depression and substance abuse, among others.

What are some root causes of mental issues among men?

They often stem from external pressures such as career stress, societal expectations and being overwhelmed by family responsibilities. 

Issues for which we don’t have answers defer our hope. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. 

These pressures, combined with the fear of vulnerability, create an emotional chokehold. 

We tend to suppress our feelings in the hope that things will get better on their own. Hope is deferred and our mental health deteriorates. 

The damage is not always visible but it wreaks havoc on our mental faculties.  

THE DANGERS OF NEGLECT

Neglecting our mental health may result in physical deterioration, emotional withdrawal and strained relationships.

Chronic stress and depression weigh heavily on our bodies and lead to illness.

Suppressed emotions can erode our relationships and negatively affect marital and family dynamics.

When our struggles are left unchecked, they foster destructive behaviour like aggression and addiction, and make us prone to making unreasonable decisions.

As fathers, we need to avoid generational harm and to have those uncomfortable discussions with those around us for wise guidance and intentional nurturing. Doing so is essential to break cycles of emotional neglect.

It is crucial to create environments where we men feel safe to express our emotions and can be authentic, vulnerable and real. 

We need the counsel of trusted friends, mentors or counsellors who will listen to us without judgement.

It is only within these safe spaces that we can begin to address our fears and start to heal.

Through this, we can learn that vulnerability is not a threat but a path toward strength.

Through genuine relationships, we can break free from isolation and find healing.

REDEFINING MASCULINITY

Our true masculinity is not in silence and withdrawal in the face of struggles but within us gathering courage to confront these struggles. 

We must confront our fears and our issues and be vulnerable on our way to healing.

It is this type of courage that leads to our healing and transformation.

We cannot continue to relegate our mental wellness.

Fear of vulnerability and rejection, combined with societal expectations, creates a perfect storm for self-neglect and many forms of isolation and hurt. 

We need to embark on a journey to mental wellness and take the requisite responsibility.

We need to embrace the wisdom of shared counsel and support.

• Tengovandu Kandetu is a wellness coach at The Kingdom School of Life; tkandetu@thekingdomschool.life