Male-Male Relationship Dynamics in Southern Africa

“Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.”

Buddha pretty much hit the nail on the head with his views on relationships. Having said that, relationships are much more complex in modern times where many different factors influence the dynamics. This also applies to same-sex relationships which often carry the burden of stigma and risk of sexually transmitted diseases, most importantly HIV.

‘Together Tomorrow – Partnerships Informing The Future’ is a research project, carried out by UKAid, Evidence for HIV Prevention in Southern Africa, Human Sciences Research Council, University of Michigan, University of California, San Francisco Centre for Aids Prevention Studies, Positive Vibes and the Gay and Lesbian Network, that focuses on the relationship dynamics of men who have sex with men (MSM) partnerships.

The study consists of both qualitative and quantitative phases which involved 220 couples to understand the factors surrounding these relationships, HIV prevention and their treatment needs.

The research focused on MSM couples of which 70 were Namibian, from Keetmanshoop, Windhoek, Walvis Bay and Swakopmund, and 150 couples from Kwazulu Natal also assisted in the research.

Friedel Dausab of Out-Right Namibia said that the study focuses on men in same-sex relationships which includes gay and bisexual men, transgender women and in some cases men who do not identify as homosexual, but still have intimacy with other men.

“In Namibia, we are aware that health is not an individual or personal phenomenon only, but is relational. This means that there are decisions that are influenced by our intimate relationships, our families and family structures,” Dausab said.

Previous research focused on individuals, their behaviour and the risk of HIV. This study looked at the intimate dynamics, coping and surviving through the HIV epidemic, and surviving relationships – often times in homophobic communities.

The average age of the couples was 29 years old, of which 65% identified as gay. Abigail Solomons of Positive Vibes mentioned there is some longevity in MSM relationships as about 70% last longer than 12 months.

The study also looked at the perception of healthcare services by MSM couples. Public health services were largely viewed as straight spaces, with limited access to tailored services for men who have sex with other men.

This resulted in experiences of homophobia, ridicule and the non-disclosure of sexual orientation, and often MSM would make use of other health services providers deemed more sensitised.

The findings also pointed out that fear of knowing your HIV status or loss of relationships were some of the main contributing factors for men not getting tested.

Solomons spoke on behavioural changes which could lower the risk of contracting HIV or spreading it.

“The majority of the individuals indicated that they would like to go for HIV testing in a clinic or self test as well as in a couple setting.”

She pointed out that some participants were not willing to use a condom, either in or out of committed relationships. “A lot of it has to do with trust,” she said. “Bringing up condom use could breach some of those trust barriers in a trusted relationship.”

Only 12% of respondents are willing to use condoms with their primary partners and 21% with their casual partners.

“There are monogomous relationship and open relationships,” Solomons said. Monogomous relationships were divided into two categories: Implicit and explicit.

With implicit relationships, boundaries are not clearly set out and no rules or limits were explicitly stated, thus miscommunication may occur, while explicit partners may say something like: ‘We talked about this. We know what the parameters are of this relationship’.

“Explicit and open with a female partner was very important as well, where there was some agreement between the partners that there are allowances to be made between the partners when there is a female involved,” Solomons said. Often the idea is ‘he can sleep with a woman, but not with another man’.

She also explained that 85% of MSM couples in Namibia were monogomous, 45% were cohabiting and 12% were open with restrictions with women.

Solomons also touched on the power dynamics in MSM relationships. “Some of the individuals mentioned that the more dominant partner was usually the ‘top’. ‘Top’ refers to the person who usually engages in the penetrative role during sex, while the ‘bottom’ partner receives. ‘Versatile’ couples can switch between the roles. 42% of respondents indicated that they were top, 35% indicated they were bottom and 23% indicated they were versatile.”

LGBTI activist Linda Baumann explained why this finding is important. “The self-identified gay man will be more comfortable stating he is the bottom or versatile,” she said. The more dominant partner tends to own the power to negotiate seeking outside partners in sexual agreements.

According to the research findings, 17% of all participants showed signs of depression, despite legal protection existing in South Africa.

These would be: Denial (participants often denied that sexual orientation related stigma and discrimination caused distress), hiding (many participants hide through acting straight or maintaining a concurrent heterosexual relationship) and substance abuse (participants reported using alcohol or substances to lower inhibitions or reduce pain during anal intercourse).

In addition to these defense mechanisms, the research stated that 54% of respondents had used drugs in the past three months, 59% were binge drinking for the past month, while the same figure also had sex while drunk, 22% had sex while high, 28% did not use a condom with their primary partners during the last intercourse and 22% had sex with someone other than their partner in the past three months.

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