Lots of Late

‘Omuhole eenima’ (you people like things) is one of my favourite phrases as of late because many of you are being shady these days!

I mean it’s wonderful, people are all up into other’s business, I just love watching it all. Someone could be revealing their love story and the next thing you know, a troll comments: ‘oh, but you told me you were breaking up with her last night?’

And then what must you do?

Have you guys noticed how possible it is for one person to ruin your life with a text or screenshot? That’s all it takes, really. I mean, here you are parading that you’re in a happy marriage, but anakam someone’s got your files neatly tucked away in their phones.

And that’s why I love saying that this country is too small. It’s so bad that your latest lover could be your best friend’s cousin. Everyone is linked to everyone these days, hey.

What a wow.

But before I divert my attention to trivial things, please, can we talk about likers of things, better known as lots? Like wow. I’ve never met so many people who insert themselves in so many situations, but when they are confronted with an issue involving themselves, then they want to cry on social media and expect the world to feel pity for them.

Eto. And I think it all starts in a beautiful place called high school, because there, depending on who you hang out with, you’re treated in a special way.

You’re so used to this attention that you want more of it, and everyone needs to give it to you, whether you were the prettiest person in school, or simply the comedian, or maybe the troublemaker. Everyone has a reputation of some sort.

Anyway, in my eyes, likers of things (aka lots) enjoy stories. Who doesn’t, right? But you know that you’re a lot when your investigative skills are on point. You can easily put two and two together, and you didn’t even study journalism.

It’s beautiful.

But you’re dangerous because you’ve got files on everyone who’s anyone – a nice special file hidden somewhere. And you can easily dish out those files if you wanted to. How you got this information is purely guesswork.

Sometimes you know everyone who’s anyone, or you simply enjoy inserting yourself in situations so that you become that person who’s friends with a celebrity.

They will call you all kinds of names, a celebrity’s handbag or accessory, but you don’t care. You’re making a name for yourself. And eventually, you become a ‘celeb’ too. You adore being in the spotlight, especially when people talk about you, and sometimes you would do something to make sure the attention stays on you.

Maybe it’ll be through a nasty comment on Facebook, or simply throwing shade the best way you know how. Probably in your mind, your opinion matters, because you know that when you speak, people listen.

The problem with being a lot is that it can cost you. It’s like when all your wealthy friends are spending thousands on menial things, you do the same, knowing full well that you can’t afford it. Sometimes your friends will feel pity for you and offer you expensive gifts and whatnot, and you’d flaunt this when in reality, you know that it would have cost you an arm and a leg. But you know exactly how to play it off, don’t you? Oh, you’d act like you’re living the best life, but you’ll never say ‘I cannot afford this’.

I almost feel bad for you. Almost.

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