Like Father, Like Husband

A father is the first man you get to know in your life. He’s there to take care of you, protect you and ensure that you have all that you need. It is no wonder that many women look for a man just like their fathers. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on whether the relationship with their father was overwhelmingly positive or negative.

It may not be as extreme as the Electra complex (where women compete with their mothers for their father’s attention, sometimes to the death), it is more like finding similar personality traits. If father’s are present in their children’s lives, this complex is said to appear between the age of three and six. But have you ever noticed how similar your previous partner is to your father?

The Weekender asked female readers whether they would date partners similar to their fathers.

“Yes, I would, as flawed as he may be,” Ruth Kamwi said. “He acknowledges God, he grooms himself, he’s a good communicator, he loves his children (as he loved his wife) and he is intelligent. He is my friend too.”

As a child, your father is one of the first people of the opposite sex whom you establish a stable relationship and communication with – and so you practice with your father how you will speak to future partners. This is known as pre-sexual programming. Eventually, you choose someone who is similar to your dad, even though it is a subconscious act.

“My father was a living example of traits I look out for. Someone I learnt to be proud of.” Michelle Godenschweig said. “Simply put, I’m more likely to fall for someone and have respect for an individual who has imperfections like my father because I already know how to tolerate them. Last but not least, my father is a God-fearing man which is the strongest point of building a healthy relationship.”

Fathers are like templates for the kind of man that you want, especially if your father has played a positive role in your life, but the same can be said for absent fathers. You’d automatically have a negative perception of men because of how you have been treated, or constantly choose partners who were aloof and unsupportive.

However, depending on the kind of fatherly figures around you, you can change your subconscious choices for the better.

It’s always interesting to see traits like your father possesses in your partner. It’s a sign that he could be the one!

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