Welcome to 2021 – the other ugly stepsister in the Walt Disney classic.
Never have I encountered a year less excitable, a New Year’s Eve more sombre, a January more melancholy. 2020 (the year of Covid-19 and economic collapse) stung like a bee in all the places one should not be stung, and I have yet to meet someone who can truly say they came out of that fight neither bruised nor broken.
I lost people I loved in 2020… brave, strong, healthy people… in the flash of an eye, and it left holes in my soul which will not heal quickly. But then again, many people have. 2020 ripped pieces out of all our hearts. No wonder I observe this year as one would a dog with rabies: with extreme caution and ready to defend myself at any moment.
Because Covid is not over – in fact Covid 2.0 is even more dangerous, and no one… no one knows what this year will bring. It’s a sad thing to admit but my expectations are low. Because I really cannot take the heartbreak or the disappointment any more.
And yet, I am the Silver Lining Girl. As a single parent I have to be. Life will find a way to kick you from here into next week Wednesday if you do not see the good in the bad. And so I’ll start with gratitude.
When you find yourself knocked down, you start by thanking the fact that you can still get up. I’m healthy. The Trolls are healthy. We have a roof over our heads. We stay a five-minute walk from the Atlantic Ocean. We have people who love us. We can take a punch. We’re okay.
We also have a new housemate. The Mistress has moved in. And by the Mistress I mean my mother – a woman who was born just as World War II came to an end, a lady with a head full of white hair, a grand dame who refuses to wear her prosthetic teeth (when she chews her chin moves in actual circles!) and a Goddess Supreme who knits in her off time and can still reduce me to tears by a look and a couple of mean words.
I never thought my mother would spend her last years with me – I am the black sheep in the family and the one who is certifiably a little mad – but she did. Perhaps because 2020 also scared the crap out of her… or perhaps because now that she is in the sunset of her life, she finally figured out that we really are alike and she does love me after all.
Whatever the case, even that makes me grateful. It’s good to have the Old Lady with us. I love seeing her face when I wake up, and the Trolls love having their grandma around. Yes. I know this means my love life has officially ended. And no. I really don’t mind. I wouldn’t want to spend my life with a man who doesn’t like my mother anyway. Because try as I might, that crazy old lady there is me in 50 years.
So here we go again. Here’s to another year of constant handwashing and face masks. Stay safe guys.
– urbansinglemom@gmail.com
