Forever It Will Be

The words I say don’t express the truth. The tears I cry don’t express the pain. The person who is ‘me’ is not the person I wish to be… Sometimes I wish I could wash my face until there is a new me. For I have come to realise, it’s not the world that’s the problem. It’s me.

I’ve cried a thousand tears, screamed a million screams… All for what? I could talk for ages and explain a thousand times. I could blame the whole world, scream to them all and still it comes back to me, for I will always be the underdog. I will always be second best. Never will I reach the point where I’m known for my best.

Behind all my smiles is some truth, some reason for my late night thoughts, the tossing and turning. Pulling the blankets closer for comfort. Holding the pillow tighter so that it can catch my tears. I’ve spoken to many, but few have heard, few have understood and less have cared. My opinions and feelings have always been pushed aside. I’ve gotten used to the fact, and I’ve let it go. And let it be so.

I still try to wash my face, hoping I can wash away the bad, the dirt I feel on me and the disappointment others see when they look at me. I wash my face again and again, until my hands are red and all the soap is gone… Again and again. But when I look up, there’s no difference. I’ll let it all go once again and keep looking at this ‘me’ I see, for no change can be made. I will always stay me. So be it.

Sabrina Hess is 14 years old and is a pupil at Delta Secondary School.

In an age of information overload, Sunrise is The Namibian’s morning briefing, delivered at 6h00 from Monday to Friday. It offers a curated rundown of the most important stories from the past 24 hours – occasionally with a light, witty touch. It’s an essential way to stay informed. Subscribe and join our newsletter community.

The Namibian uses AI tools to assist with improved quality, accuracy and efficiency, while maintaining editorial oversight and journalistic integrity.