Drowning

So wrong, but the heart said rightAs I left, my mind got misdirected

Comfort Ajibola

So wrong, but the heart said right

As I left, my mind got misdirected

I walked away with so much and felt absolute void

Playing tricks with a magician, full of illusions

Staring at what could be, knowing what is

Painted on a blackboard, black chalk for the blue sky

One prayer, a million answers

Twilight for day

Moonlight for dawn

Truly what seems isn’t all

Glasses break, hearts melt

The mind examines what the soul felt

“Listen to the grievance of my heart

Child, heed my warnings

I have lived your life and mine

I went down the wrong paths so I could guide from them

This future isn’t as we all expected but child, the lessons of life are eternally the same…, “ she stroked the beautiful face, now pale and eyes still. She couldn’t cry anymore, so she lay there, by her side staring into the sky as if waiting for it all to begin again.

Her concerned warnings all seemed to flood my head at once; the struggle of it all began to hit me, as I slipped further on into the darkest place of all. If only the water would let my tears be visible, they would all see how deeply sorry I am. The one moment I thought would mean forever, not to know it never existed at all. My stubbornness got in the way, surely look at me now drowning in my consequences. The sun looked bluer than ever, with each minute it got darker. “You should have listened, Chantelle.” Even my thoughts seemed to abandon me in my time of need. “Stay alive, for me…” I remembered the way he had looked at me and tried to make me believe that his feelings were true. That evening the twilight must have lasted for hours, the colours coincided with the touch of the canvas beneath my fingers.

It was too weird at the time. I reached out and grabbed at nothing except the monstrosity of this pure liquid which now swallowed me whole. I screamed, forced all the air out of me, hoping the bubbles would tell the world beyond of my intense, unjust suffering. What did I do wrong but follow my heart and emo- tions?! Once again her voice came to me, she spoke into my thoughts loudly and forcefully, her words whirled in my mind and heart like a dangerous Texas whirlwind. If only she knew that I was now paying the highest price. Not only that, it was costing me the very soul she fought so hard to keep.

My mind began to slip away and I knew I was losing the fight to stay alive. I remembered the one summer day that had been so perfect in my whole miserable existence. It had rained the previous night and the sunshine was so bright, the breeze was salty and fresh. Sharon laid flat on her tummy in her blue swimsuit with shades on she smiled at me. Her teeth were so white, I remembered telling her she looked like a vampire because they were so big and sharp-looking. She had just laughed at me and five minutes later poured a whole bucket of cold sea water on me. We raced each other to the ocean and splashed all afternoon. I remember her laughs and squeals as we played in the sun. The picture had more motion but was nevertheless an image everlasting.

Comfort Ajibola is a 20-year-old aspiring writer. She is currently a third year Bachelor of English student at the Polytechnic of Namibia. Email her at acomfortitunuariyo@yahoo.com or follow her on Twitter: @comariyo

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