Done Having Children

In the previous weeks, we explored the option of vasectomies, finding permanent solutions to stop having children and what you would do if your partner no longer wanted children. This time, the topic is slightly less controversial.

When is the right time to stop having children? Some couples decide this during the beginning stages of their relationship or marriage – from two, three, to even four children. And that’ll be it. But when is the stopping point that will make you realise that you no longer want more offspring?

Ketu Nanyemba said that it was all about finance. “When you’re financially unable to meet needs for the current ones,” he said. And this is no surprise. Having children is quite costly. They require housing, food, transportation to and from school, clothing, health care, nannies if necessary, and other expenses. And remember, this is only for one child. More will require an even heftier sum from your pocket.

Jimmy Kwamba added to this by saying that he’ll be done having children “when your expenses become more than your income”. With unemployment on the rise in the country, it does affect families negatively both financially and emotionally when there are too many children in the family.

Ali Bin Sduks also agreed that money played a role in determining the cut off time, saying “when you know your net pay cannot overcome your expenses”, it’s time to throw in the towel.

“We live in a world where you need to be strategic and specific,” Mbarira Ndjemeno OmuKuoonga said. “I believe if you meet your significant other, you plan out your life together, get married and start producing children. Believe me, career-oriented women will never have more children, that’s a fact. With me, three maximum. I don’t want to spend all my years looking after children.”

In most instances, many women who are career driven do not want to have children until they are at least 35. The reasons vary. They could either be turned off completely by children until they are in a financially stable situation at home, they could simply enjoy living alone or they could feel that it takes time, money and a lot of patience.

“At one point I wanted 10 children and then I didn’t want to have any,” singer Janet Jackson, who had a baby at 50, admitted in an interview.

But this decision doesn’t entirely rely on one person. Shetu ShaAikombo said that it should be about talking to your partner and planning things out. “Right from the beginning, you should set your target number. If you set out to have two children, then you know you are done when you reach that number. Plan your family and don’t leave anything to chance.”

Because leaving things to chance might just break your bank. “I believe we each have a number of children we want to have,” Ndeshi-Given Angel Valungameka stated. “For me, I would stick to one or two if I’m not married, because nowadays, it is most likely that should one get married, the husband will bring his own from previous relationships, raising the number. And most, if not all of us, want at least one or two offspring within our marriages.”

Indeed, being a step-parent has its benefits, especially if you’re not willing to have more children yourself. Being a step-parent allows you to raise the children, as you would your own, and play a huge influence in their lives as well – without the whole process of giving birth.

According to Jordan Doeseb, he would be done having children “by knowing the number children you wanted and the fact is, a responsible person will keep his word. Life is getting expensive”.

Therefore, it’s important to participate in family planning. “Family planning will remind you nowadays about life,” Nestor Peyohamba mentioned. “Couples used to discuss the number of children they are going to have,” but is it happening any more?

Organisations such as the Namibia Planned Parenthood Association offer services like this, for free, and help individuals or couples to decide if/when to have children.

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