Does Age Really Matter?

Wide age gaps in relationships aren’t something new.

But their history is quite dark. Girls, sometimes below the age of 15, are forced to enter marriages or relationships with older men.

Because of this, the United Nations came up with the sustainable development goals, which aims to end child marriages soon.

Although this practice may be one that’s phasing out, young, but more mature women in their adult years are opting to marry men who resemble the age of their fathers. However, the gap seems to be closing, but it seems at even 10 years, there are those who are still skeptical.

“I think if men are the ones who are 10 years older, it is a good move because a man can teach a woman something since he is older. If the woman is older, it will not work because most women don’t have respect for men who are younger than them,” Nekongo Diongenus said.

A majority of African cultures would see this as true – women dating me who are quite younger than them is still seen as a taboo, with many referring to these women as “sugar mommies”. With judgement being passed on, could it really work if a woman switched the roles?

Tinashe Boyson Chagonda said it’s a tricky situation. “Our African culture states a man should be older than his mate.

No specific age difference is stated but I think there’s an average of maybe five to 10 years, depending on the maturity and expectations in the relationship.

Too much difference sometimes seems oppressive if the two parties don’t understand their differences. Also being too close involves mostly a lack of respect.”

Mutually Beneficial

Most people seem to agree that the age gap, especially of 10 years, is not necessarily a problem, but a focus should be put on what the couple themselves think.

“I feel the age gap (especially lower than 10 years) does matter when people are at two different maturity levels simply because their way of thinking, reasoning and interests may differ to a much greater degree and thus cause conflict. However, there shouldn’t be limits. It all depends on what each member wants from such a relationship. Communication and understanding plus making sacrifices can make such a relationship work,” Stefanus Ausub said.

Agreeing that it is a mutually exclusive thing, Elizabeth Kamati said that it’s time to be realistic about it.

“There are many guys who like older women and there are women who only go for older men. Why would he meet me halfway? And many broke young guys are being polished by older women. Don’t fool yourselves. Why would I date a broke, old man with a one pack if I can go for someone my age with six packs? Money and fame play a big role.”

Young For Old and Old For Young

As to why younger men and women preferred their older counterparts, reasons vary from materialistic objects to love and affection.

Vengeline April said maturity played a role.

“Although maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age, it would be easier to find what you need in an older person. You need someone who can give you stability, peace and security.

Not always financially, but mentally, spiritually and especially emotionally. How many young people will really be able to give you all that?

Therefore, I strongly believe that a relationship should not be based on age, but on what you are looking for in a partner. It should only be an issue when one of the two is a minor.”

Pointing out a variety of issues, 20-something-year-old Hilma Shiimy said the spotlight was supposed to be shone on the biggest group “divorcing and mistreating girls”.

“I think that dating a matured man is better. Love is not about how people think about you but how happy you are in your relationship. These matured man know a lot and our age group is still learning about life.”

Looking at the current ‘societal standard’ of older men dating women rather than vice versa, a number of people weighed in on why it is a commonality today.

“Society has channelled women to marry only older men and men can marry/date women young enough to be their daughters,” Tiro Modungwa said.

“The understanding and reasoning of these two people might differ as they are from different time eras,” Pombili Evard added.

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