Desperate Housemates

IS Big trying to turn BBA into Desperate Housemates?

Are Maxwell and Lerato going to get it on? Is Meryl too sexy for her t-shirt? Which guy really packs it? Where’s Maureen? The gossip is HOT! Pheromones are running riot. And the SMSes are flowing thick and fast as BBA fever grips the continent.Some African newspapers are running a page a day on the continent’s most popular reality show, others a regular daily column, as they try to keep up with BBA fans seemingly insatiable desire to be in on the action.Yesterday, Red Pepper in Uganda devoted most of a page to sexual nuances in the house, including a Whopper Mass Index.Whopper?!! Basically who of the guys is “most endowed”.Surprise, surprise.If some of you think Justice generally gets the short end of the stick, he apparently has something going for him.Ma-shot (the short one), as some of his countrymen call him, supposedly takes the whopper cake – at least according to a number of shower-hour voyeurs.I personally cannot verify this.But hope they’re not getting confused with his more than ample omatako! (He’s also called orlegwinya, or fat cake, in Botswana because of his, well, stout frame.) Yeah, well.Not exactly arousing stuff.Zambia’s Maxwell is said to rival Justice in the “chipolopolo” stakes, while Kenyan fitness fanatic Jeff gets the “rabbit award”.Ouch! Sticking with Maxwell, he really maxed out on Tuesday.The outgoing Zambian ended up ingoing as he tumbled into bed with Lerato after getting plastered.But that’s where it ended.The beer won the day.But back to Big.Is he confusing BBA with Survivor Africa? Meat is off the menu.Housemates have to take it in turns to do hourly security checks through the night, and then still be up at the crack of dawn.And on Tuesday night some found themselves slumming it and literally scraping the barrel on the food front.With the veggie regimen obviously not doing enough for him, Kwaku felt the need to rustle up a midnight snack, only to find there was no butter left, and no oil! He got Justice to rifle through the trash bin to find the discarded butter container, and scraped it dry! DESPERRRATE.Kwaku was not only feeling hunger pangs Tuesday night, he was also feeling himself.A whole lot! The dude told an all-ears Justice that back home he’s the king of remix and feels he can crack the music scene once his rhyming skills are unleashed on a waiting world.A real funny moment came when Kwaku referred to major rap stars “like Puffy”, and Justice replied “yeah, even P Diddy”! Shem.But Kwaku was kinda sweet in the diary room, all tender when he spoke about our Meryl.Nosey Biggie wanted to know if something’s developing between the two.Uhmmm, aaaah.Ma-yeah, ma-no.He hedged it.Like we get on well when we’re alone, but nothing like, sort of, you know, great.But …Maureen’s been flying way below the radar screen, but think she’s been grappling with the sniffles.The designing Ugandan is mainlining on garlic.That, of course, could be keeping the others at arm’s length! Otherwise, resident toy boy Richard has gone into a blue funk, while popular Zimbo Bertha actually swore.I kid you not.It burst out during her early morning security shift: “this sh**t is heavy, this s**t is ******* heavy”.Meanwhile, it seems a few of the female housemates are creating waves of desperation amongst male BBA viewers.Proposals of marriage, or hook-ups, are streaming across the bottom of the TV screen.Top of the fans’ wish lists are Meryl, Bertha and Tatiana.One said they had thought Namibia’s Gal Level was hot, “but Meryl sizzles!”And the SMSes are flowing thick and fast as BBA fever grips the continent.Some African newspapers are running a page a day on the continent’s most popular reality show, others a regular daily column, as they try to keep up with BBA fans seemingly insatiable desire to be in on the action.Yesterday, Red Pepper in Uganda devoted most of a page to sexual nuances in the house, including a Whopper Mass Index.Whopper?!! Basically who of the guys is “most endowed”.Surprise, surprise.If some of you think Justice generally gets the short end of the stick, he apparently has something going for him.Ma-shot (the short one), as some of his countrymen call him, supposedly takes the whopper cake – at least according to a number of shower-hour voyeurs.I personally cannot verify this.But hope they’re not getting confused with his more than ample omatako! (He’s also called orlegwinya, or fat cake, in Botswana because of his, well, stout frame.) Yeah, well.Not exactly arousing stuff.Zambia’s Maxwell is said to rival Justice in the “chipolopolo” stakes, while Kenyan fitness fanatic Jeff gets the “rabbit award”.Ouch! Sticking with Maxwell, he really maxed out on Tuesday.The outgoing Zambian ended up ingoing as he tumbled into bed with Lerato after getting plastered.But that’s where it ended.The beer won the day.But back to Big.Is he confusing BBA with Survivor Africa? Meat is off the menu.Housemates have to take it in turns to do hourly security checks through the night, and then still be up at the crack of dawn.And on Tuesday night some found themselves slumming it and literally scraping the barrel on the food front.With the veggie regimen obviously not doing enough for him, Kwaku felt the need to rustle up a midnight snack, only to find there was no butter left, and no oil! He got Justice to rifle through the trash bin to find the discarded butter container, and scraped it dry! DESPERRRATE.Kwaku was not only feeling hunger pangs Tuesday night, he was also feeling himself.A whole lot! The dude told an all-ears Justice that back home he’s the king of remix and feels he can crack the music scene once his rhyming skills are unleashed on a waiting world.A real funny moment came when Kwaku referred to major rap stars “like Puffy”, and Justice replied “yeah, even P Diddy”! Shem.But Kwaku was kinda sweet in the diary room, all tender when he spoke about our Meryl.Nosey Biggie wanted to know if something’s developing between the two.Uhmmm, aaaah.Ma-yeah, ma-no.He hedged it.Like we get on well when we’re alone, but nothing like, sort of, you know, great.But …Maureen’s been flying way below the radar screen, but think she’s been grappling with the sniffles.The designing Ugandan is mainlining on garlic.That, of course, could be keeping the others at arm’s length! Otherwise, resident toy boy Richard has gone into a blue funk, while popular Zimbo Bertha actually swore.I kid you not.It burst out during her early morning security shift: “this sh**t is heavy, this s**t is ******* heavy”.Meanwhile, it seems a few of the female housemates are creating waves of desperation amongst male BBA viewers.Proposals of marriage, or hook-ups, are streaming across the bottom of the TV screen.Top of the fans’ wish lists are Meryl, Bertha and Tatiana.One said they had thought Namibia’s Gal Level was hot, “but Meryl sizzles!”