Relationships in this day and age are already faced with enough challenges without the added stress of having oceans and borders between the two participants.
Long distance relationships have long been the things of romantic movies and novels, with the postal services, carrier pigeons, the internet and whatever other means of communication couples could get their hands on aiding this ever-growing relationship trend.
A US study found that up to 14 million people identified as being in a long distance relationship and the number is growing.
A lot of people live with the belief that these relationships just cannot work, and though the statistics might agree to some extent, many more people are still attempting it nonetheless. A survey found that around 40% of all long distance relationships ended with a break up, while the average time it took one of these relationships to break down was less than five months.
But what is so great about them?
Well, more and more people are willing to enter this type of courtship nowadays because technology and social media tools have taken communication from its snail pace to instant messaging and face-to-face video chatting.
Still, just like all relationships, these come with their own benefits and downfalls, and navigating them is tricky, not just in faraway places but right here with Namibians.
For Uhunga Kalla, the distance between him in Russia and his girlfriend all the way here back home was too much and their relationship ended before making it to the six month mark.
Despite that though, he would encourage everyone to try this type of dating at some point in their lives and says that long distance relationships are great.
“You’re able to get to know each other on a much more personal level [than in traditional relationships] since there is not much else to do but talk to each other all the time.”
According to a study published in the Journal of Communication, men and women in long distance relationships were more likely to share meaningful thoughts and feelings than those who were not and Tjipo Tjeriko, currently a student in London, agrees with those sentiments.
“Having someone motivate me and be a support structure is the best thing about my relationship,” he says of his girlfriend back home, Uri Mujetenga.
The relationship between the two began while he was still in Namibia, and continued despite the added distance because, as she says, she was “willing to fight for my partner through whatever high or low came towards us”.
It also helped that she was understanding of why he had to leave and she appreciates why he is doing what he is doing.
It’s not always easy, though.
Despite all the fun times, long distance relationships have their downfalls too. The hardest thing is obviously the distance, says Uhunga. Being so far from the person you love means that the physical side of the relationship is lacking and that can take its toll.
Uri feels that not having someone around through the day is the toughest part, as she misses the physical contact. For Tjipo, the time difference of two hours can also have its downfalls.
Other relationships have been found to break down because of a lack of trust. You are so far away from the person you love and it is difficult to always know what is happening or what they get up to when you’re not around.
Uhunga says that the most important thing in this type of dating, not so different from other pairings, is to trust each other, first and foremost. Not knowing what your partner is doing or if they are actually being honest with you in terms of who they’re with could drive you insane.
He suggests that to make the best of the situation, both of you should use the tools that social media provide.
“Skype is your best friend. It allows you to stay in touch. Sometimes you just need to see the smile on your significant other’s face.”
Regular conversations, morning and evening texts as well as reassuring each other why you love each are also amongst the things that he says help.
Tjipo and Uri also make use of technology to keep in touch, saying they talk every day and that flirting helps too, so do small gestures like having gifts delivered to each other and making sure the other knows they are in good hands.
“I always try to get pictures of her and compliment her when she looks good. We Skype and talk on the phone and although she is already my girlfriend, I flirt with her.”
Uri notes that the best way to make the relationship work is to take it one day at a time and “step by step”. “God doesn’t test us beyond our abilities, being in different countries shouldn’t mean we can’t continue with our relationship.”
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