Traditional leaders and social commentators say cultural norms, historical injustices and societal expectations have contributed to many men remaining silent about abuse and emotional distress.
These remarks come in the wake of a recent case in which David Suze (42) from Gobabis alleged that he was attacked and stabbed in the abdomen by his girlfriend of five years.
“When I reached the police station, the first thing they asked me was: ‘what did you do to her to stab you?’ I am bleeding, I am in pain, can you assist me?” he claims to have told the police.
Damara Chief Council secretary general Abner Xoagub says generations of black men grew up without strong male role models due to apartheid-era policies and labour contract systems that separated fathers from their families.
“Our fathers were working as contract workers, they were working at mines and so on and in the mines they were just put in tents together.
“The only time they could kind of go out and meet with their children, wives, and women was when they were going on leave,” he says.
Xoagub says many men were raised by mothers while their fathers were absent, leaving boys without male figures to guide them.
“So most of us were raised with absent fathers and with that we didn’t have a role model to bounce with,” he says.
He says apartheid systems weakened the role of black men within families and communities, leaving many with feelings of failure and guilt.
“With that guilt feeling that we have failed, we men could not speak out,” Xoagub says.
According to him, many boys grow up believing they should suppress their emotions and deal with problems silently and alone.
“Now at the end of the day the boy feels that I cannot speak up. The house is not a friendly place where I can speak up and most of the men start keeping things to themselves,” he says.
Xoagub says this silence often continues into adulthood.
“Even myself, if I have a problem I won’t tell my woman. I’ll try to solve that problem by myself,” he says.
Ondonga Traditional Authority spokesperson Frans Enkali says traditional authorities deal with cases involving violence regardless of whether the victim or perpetrator is a man or woman.
“When it comes to the issue or incident of stabbing somebody, the punishment is still there,” he says.
He adds that :”They have to be brought, whether it’s a woman or a man, the one, the culprit, should be brought to the traditional council where a decision has to be made.”
Enkali says traditional authorities do receive reports from men who have experienced abuse or violence.
“Although not in numbers, yes, they report all those incidents without fear or favour,” he says.
However, he says, culture can also discourage reporting abuse.
“In some cultures, once you insult somebody, he or she will not even report. You will just laugh it off.”
He says communities should stop normalising violence and not treat serious violence incidents as a joke.
“People beat each other, they are bleeding and then people are just laughing. We should stop. That is not an unacceptable culture,” he says.
Psychological counsellor Caesaria Mutau says many men have never learned about healthy help-seeking behaviour.
“Many men are not only reluctant to seek help; they may never have learned what healthy help-seeking actually looks like,” she says.
Mutau says societal expectations around masculinity often teach men to be strong, self-reliant and emotionally in control.
“As a result, admitting victimisation, emotional suffering, or the need for assistance can feel inconsistent with these expectations and may be perceived as a sign of weakness,” she explains.
She says many men are rewarded for carrying burdens quietly and criticised when they reveal their struggles.
“For generations, many men have been rewarded for carrying burdens quietly and criticised for revealing them,” Mutau says.
According to her, the challenge is not only encouraging men to seek help but teaching available help-seeking mechanisms as a skill, while creating environments where they can ask for support without shame or judgement.
