Tragedy continues to mar this year as news of more women dying as a result of relationships has been all over the newspapers.
From the killing of a two-year-old who died after her mother suffocated her to death to a resident at Keetmanshoop who shot his ex lover in an apparent jealous rage, these incidents have a few chilling things in common – vengeance and death.
To put it simply, revenge is “the action of hurting or harming someone in return for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands”. In other words, getting even with a person who hurt you or an attempt (sometimes maliciously) to transform shame into pride or trying to return your honour.
In fact, there are a number of terms that are related to revenge, detailing just how intricate it is.
Being hurt by someone causes a chain reaction – leading to anger, hurt, humiliation, insult and the need to repair the damage done by the person who has hurt you. But there is a lot more that goes into revenge than we think.
The Branches
of Revenge
Seeking justice is, in fact, a way to formalise revenge by using the law. This could be through suing your partner for a wrongful act, or even using the law to receive custody of your children just so that you can have control over whether he/she can see them or not, despite you knowing that they are capable of taking care of them. However, it is not necessarily violent all the time, but the impact is quite severe, especially when you have the law on your side.
Calculative behaviour in order to hurt your partner is similar to deterrence. This is a negative motivational influence that is almost cold-hearted as it looks at it in a ‘it’s just business’ manner. So if someone did something unintentionally towards you, you decide to take it out of proportion and somehow find a way to impose a severe consequence due to their actions. You would have to plan things accordingly, if your intention is, say, to have your ex put in jail for many years, for example.
Reprisal may seem like a term in war, but it is defined as a retaliatory action with “the intent of inflicting at least as much injury in return”. It is almost like you want to hurt your ex as much as they hurt you, no matter the cost. This could be in the form of damaging their car because they see it as a prized possession, or it could be sleeping with your ex’s brother just to show them that you have power in your hands.
Similar to retaliation, the phrase “an eye for an eye” may just come to mind. This more violent approach could lead to unthinkable consequences and even jail time, which is why it is advised to think twice before exacting revenge.
Sharing his story about revenge, Penda Nghiwenavali had this to say about his ex who hurt him in the past: “I just ignored her. Even when I saw her, I didn’t acknowledge her presence. Funny enough, this person was seeing a cousin of mine before she and I had a thing. I didn’t know that. So after we had our thing, she started seeing another cousin of mine. And that cousin is like a close brother. But it was cool.
They had their thing and it went sour but now they are back together. But it got me angry whenever I’d bump into her. But I’d just not see her. Eventually, she made friends with my friends through my cousin. It got weird. She actually gave me a call recently and apologised. I agreed to give it a chance.”
It’s important to remember that atonement and remorse play just as big a role when you feel that you have done wrong, and it is something that deserves to be taught, before someone gets hurt or it’s too late to turn back.
