Weird Stories in Newspapers

Sara KasimThese days I read the newspapers and laugh at so many stories.

I am starting to think some of them are made up.

From employees running away with money straight home, parliamentarians mumbling embarrassing crap in Otjimbanderu before the mics are off, and Rundu running out of water just as Masilingi runs into Rundu.

Let me highlight the stories that made me laugh my ribs sore.

Ricardo, jou donner, how do you run with the money straight to DRC where all of Swakopmund’s police officers live?

A security guard allegedly stole N$300 000 and went to hide in a shack at Swakopmund’s DRC neighbourhood. He stopped by the bottle store to get himself enough bottles of Hennessy and buckets of KFC to last him a week. This is all we know for now, and we have more questions.

Ricardo, jou moegoe, wie is Marietjie?

Ricardo, jou donner, hoekom het jy nie reguit Uis toe gevlug nie?

All petty criminals know that nobody goes looking for anything at Uis, and you could have lasted longer there on champagne and donkey meat. It was already a stupid move to just take the bag and run on foot the way you did, but why add insult ro injury by hiding in a wooden shack in an area where everybody can hear you counting the dollar bills?

I do not believe a word of this story, but Ricardo will have his day in court and he will tell the truth.

As Masilingi and Mboma came running home to a beautiful reception in the Kavango regions, Rundu had no water or electricity. You see, the two sprint sensations run on omutete and Zambezi bream, but Rundu’s water runs on electricity. When the power goes, the water pump stops, and the entire Kavango stops functioning, including the mighty river.

Some respectable person had to make a suggestion. Since all the fast runners come from Kavango and they do not have proper fields, let treadmill-type devices be installed and connected to the water distribution system.

The runners will then run up the mills and pump the water. We do not always need a world-class athletics field.

These are ideas that come with Limkokwing University in Namibia. Embrace it.

A truck driver from Namibia recently posted a video of what was alleged to be bricks being important into Namibia to be used on a construction project in Windhoek. The video clip alleged the bricks were meant for a massive project for Nedbank.

Many entrepreneurs expressed anger and argued the bricks could have been made and delivered locally. Someone mentioned corruption and kickbacks within the private sector.

A few minutes later, social media floated an explanation that made it clear that those are not building bricks, but special paving blocks made from rare crystallised faeces and other native mineral compounds found only in South Africa.

Very soon we will be walking on a road somewhere in Windhoek paved with imported faecal matter.

Finally, and while on the subject of faeces, it is now a fact that the Namibian flag weighs less than a two-ply toilet paper roll on the moon.

The latest Chinese space mission to the moon has confirmed that the special arrangement and balance of colours on the Namibian flag make it lighter and more manoeuvrable in space and they will not be needing toilet paper out there any more.

The flag has now earned a special place in the cargo manifests of each Chinese space mission.

The Namibian ambassador received the specific flag that was taken on the space mission and has promised to keep it safe and to protect the legacy.

It will be washed before shipping it to Namibia to Independence Museum via diplomatic mail.

I believe it is time for the media ombudsman to start checking if these journalists are not high on elephant dung as they continue making up these stories.

They cannot all be true.

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