‘We Need To Teach Each Other How To Be Men’ A THREAD by @BecomingPhill from Twitter:

Too many African men do not know how to deal with the changing nature of gender roles and masculinity, there must be a louder conversation.

• The gender stereotypes engendered by tribal/ethnic customs are dangerous, to say otherwise is akin to the ridiculous gun debate in US.

• There is a lot to love about our cultures but our view of women, largely ALL OVER AFRICA, IS NOT ONE OF THEM. We must acknowledge that.

• There is nothing that says culture is static, core values taught are usually Ubuntu, but understand that TRADITION IS NOT EQUAL TO VALUES.

• Meaning to always strive to bring traditions (the way something is done), if they are Ubuntu, up to speed with culture(the way it should be).

• Being a man does not always mean saving the day. Being unable to rectify a situation beyond your control is normal. It’s OK.

• We must teach our sons how to be fragile also, we must teach our sons how to let go of things as much as we teach them to persevere.

• We can’t say this doesn’t affect our very lives, n*ggas putting hands on women, you know them! They are our fathers, brothers and friends.

• You’ve been, I’ve been complacent when we casually accept something foul a dude we know did and brush it off because tradition.

• No! This is something our fathers ARE NOT RIGHT ABOUT! It is NOT OK to treat her like apartheid/struggle treated them and racism treats you!

• The time where you can bulldoze your way through life on the strength of being ‘manly’ is OVER.

• We must show our sons that it’s OK for a girl to make more money or to lead or to save the day. It’s OK for her to leave you when it’s over.

• And that they will be just fine when they encounter this in life. They can move past it. A woman is not the measure of your achievements.

• We must stop showing our friends that we respect their dishonesty when it comes to sexual encounters with women, whatever the dishonesty!

• We must not be afraid to place ourselves in her shoes, how would your life be if your peoples held you to same standard you hold her to?

• The beauty, the poise when she’s around your friends or other men, the sex, the house chores, the end of the month check, the car, children?

• The same way you had to pull socks up to get your spot, they have had twice the battle. For generations. Feminism has been inevitable.

• They are now at school just as long, in cases longer, than men. Studying same fields, going into same positions, earning purchasing power.

• The playing field is levelling and that is a GOOD thing! When women gain, the world gains. Your world gains. Nothing to be scared of.

• To preserve does not mean being the end all and be all of your family. It means guiding them to a place where they can prosper, even without you!

• Problem is a problem and our complacency is THE problem. We can’t wait for our govt ministers, they’re old, WE must teach THEM HOW TO BE MEN. Every day, with our friends and our sons and daughters and sisters and fathers. There is a better way to deal with frustration than rage.

• By being softer, by hugging our sons and allowing them to cry, by being reasonable about the female form the same way we expect acceptance.

• By pushing our friends who are being dishonest with their sexual partners to come clean and lay all the f*cking cards on the table, coward!

• By telling our fathers it’s not OK to treat mom like it’s 1965. F*ck that, old man. You must also learn, old dogs WILL learn them new tricks.

• By having a conversation with other men about gender and why it’s so hard to deal with instead of your Golf GTi or whatever, just one helps.

• By checking your friends who are tryna mess with underage girls! You know him boeta! Don’t front.

• By not gender categorising our kid’s roles before they know how to process them correctly! Let them be kids, cotdamnit!!!

• By examining our own motives when it comes to our wives, girlfriends and lovers/booty calls whatever. What are you really about, n*gga?

• By not continually showing our sons that integrity is for bromances and your life’s work and then have it absent from your relationships with women.

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