‘We had to inform bride the groom had gone missing’

On the morning of the announcement of his wedding, Matheus Iilongeni (43), was the first person to call his best man to remind him about the church service.

“He was excited about his big day,” recalls best man Jafet Andreas.

Everything was set – guests were invited, the groom’s suit ready, and the bride’s maids ready to flaunt their dresses. Only two days left before Iilongeni and his fiancée would finally say ‘I do’.

Andreas remembers how excited Iilongni was before he went missing and his body discovered behind his homestead at Anamulenga constituencyin the Omusati region on 27 October.

“On the day of his wedding announcement Iilongeni was the first person to wake me up to escort him to church. I was not aware if he had any problems or maybe any signs of depression,” recalls Andreas. The police have said he died in a suspected suicide, although no suicide note was found on him. The local community, including Iilongeni’s colleagues, has been left traumatised. According to the police’s crime report, Iilongeni was last seen on the Wednesday morning before the planned wedding.

On the Thursday, friends and relatives were ready to send off the bride’s suitcase, containing a wedding gown and other essentials, to her village for the wedding on the next day.

However, before the marriage procession, Iilongeni left the village, saying he was off to Oshakati to fetch a few items, and that he would be back on the same day.

Family members grew concerned when he did not show up later that day and went to look for him.

His body was found near his homestead in a mahangu field on the Friday morning.

Family members informed the police of the incident. The whole village is still reeling in shock, and has no idea about Iilongeni’s motive for taking his own life.

He was buried at Onekukumo village on Thursday. “He was busy for a couple of days and did all the arrangements himself. Everything was going fine, until Thursday.

“At some point when we could not reach him, we thought he was busy and he would return our calls later.

“We spent the whole day hoping he would call anyone of us. We still cannot believe he has committed such a dreadful act,” said Andreas.

‘MAN OF FEW WORDS’

The Namibian visited the late Iilongeni’s family homestead at Onekukumo village over the weekend and sat down with a few of his family members.

His younger brother Matheus Kaitungwa says Iilongeni was a quiet and humble man who enjoyed jokes.

“We have lost a gem. Iilongeni was a man of few words, but full of life. He loved his family and friends. We still do not know what triggered him to take such an extreme step on a day that was supposed to be one of his happiest days.

“He always wanted to be a family man. He did not show any sign of depression. I have been with him throughout the entire week leading to his wedding announcement, but he did not show any signs of sadness, and no one has offended him in any way. “We are still in shock as we are trying to digest the whole ordeal,” he says.

Iilongeni left behind three children and four siblings. Both his parents are dead.

Kaitungwa says Iilongeni did not leave any suicide note, nor did he inform anyone of his intentions to take his own life.

“We have searched all over his bedroom to see if we can perhaps find any written note, but we did not find anything. The police also searched his pockets, but they did not find any suicide note on his body.

“We also sat down with the bride, but she did not notice any sign of depression or stress with Iilongeni. “We last saw him on Wednesday morning . . . Everything was put on hold, and we had to inform the bride’s family that the groom has gone missing and we could not find him,” he says. Kaitungwa says he last spoke to Iilongeni on Wednesday telephonically and he seemed excited about his big day.

“I did not suspect him of any strange behaviour because he was so happy, even on the day of his wedding announcement Iilongeni was the first person to wake me up to escort him to church.

“I was not aware of any problems or signs of depression. We were hoping he would return home alive. It is not easy for the family. Iilongeni went too soon.

“Everything seems to be a bad dream, because it is so sudden. Only God knows why,” he says. Kaitungwa further describes his late brother as a people’s person.

“Iilongeni hated alcohol and he was not an outgoing person. He was always home with his relatives cracking jokes and making fun of people. “We have truly lost a humble giant who was hardworking and full of life.

“He has left a big void that no one will be able to fill. It is all God’s will. We will continue to pray for his (would-be) wife and children to find solace in everything,” he says.

The Namibian has reached out to Iilongeni’s bride’s family, who said she was too devastated to comment.

SEEKING HELP, EMBRACING HOPE

According to Windhoek-based psychologist Shaun Whittaker, depression is a common illness everybody suffers from at some point in their lives. “People should realise depression is not caused by their genetic make-up, or some chemical imbalance.

Having been a clinical psychologist for 30 years, I believe depression involves combined emotions, mostly sadness and anger,” he says.

Whittaker says depression can be caused by many factors, including the end of a relationship, unemployment, and death. “The main symptom of depression is sleep disturbance. The human body needs at least eight hours of sleep in a 24-hour cycle, because sleeping is a biological need of the body,” he says.

Whittaker advises that medication should not be the primary intervention, since depression is not always caused by a chemical imbalance. “People suffering from depression need to express their emotions and not try to keep it inside, because that helps in finding a solution and outlines what the issue might be,” he says