Till Death Do Us Part

“Do you take this woman whose hand you now hold, to be your true and wedded wife; and do you solemnly promise before God and these witnesses to love, cherish, honour and protect her: to forsake all others for her sake; to cleave unto her, and her only, until death shall part you?”

During a wedding ceremony, a pastor would repeat a phrase similar to this one before joining a couple in holy matrimony. It is common from a young age to be excited about marriage and all the benefits it offers, but in a case of a spouse dying, what happens next?

The legal aspects of it are plenty, but after that is all over, is it wise to remarry?

“Well, it depends on my age. If we just got married and he happens to pass on, then I will allow myself to heal and move on with my life,” Martha Ekandjo stated. “But if I am old, then a second marriage is a no. With my children and family members by my side, it will just pass although things will never be the same again.”

It may seem easier for a younger widow or widower to remarry because they still have many years ahead of them, rather than an older person, but is there a time limit on the wait?

Marriagemissions.com says no. “The answer depends on a number of circumstances. Some authorities say that it should be at least a year after the death of your mate before you make any major decision. This certainly includes marriage. If the death of your mate was sudden, the resolution of your grief may be particularly difficult. You may find it best to wait several years before even considering the idea of remarriage.”

“When people get married, they say this in front of the pastor: ‘I will love you in sickness and in health’. But it does not mention what you should do after death. Loneliness or hormones will drive you to remarry,” Boko Mubiana mentioned. Alex Madjarov also agreed. “Death did us part. I would want my significant other to do the same too. Life should be spent on the living, not wasted on the dead.”

But it seems that not all people agree with this. Some opt to stay single. “This is what I hate. You plan to marry after I die…” Andy Muletwa said. “No wonder the rush for in community of propery, so that they wait for me to die first and enjoy my money with a new man. I won’t remarry.”

Nonetheless, Spiro YaKashona had a question to ask for those who didn’t want to remarry: “Will you be able to accept the lonely life while you were used to being two people who did everything? In my opinion, yes, I will remarry. Yes in a sense that you spend a certain period of time together and truly acknowledge that you were one although life will never be the same as it used to be.”

For Hamupembe Matheus, he also said remarriage was the way forward. “It is not the end of life to those of us who are alive. Finding someone appropriate will always work to serve a human being’s life. It is not a divorce, but a natural occurrence.”

Death is a “huge mental and emotional turmoil,” according to Tsenaye Ingula, therefore it’s important to remember a consider a few things like age, living status, family, children, how connected you were, etc., before remarrying.

“Personally, putting the past behind me and taking hold of the future can be difficult and takes time. I would say start thinking of remarrying only as long after the death of a spouse as you feel comfortable. Be sure that you are not trying to replace the former spouse with just another warm body.” Ingula also quoted the Bible, particularly Corinthians which “gives blanket permission for remarriage after the death of one’s spouse, although it is not mandatory”.

As said previously, age is an important factor in this argument, which Nghlungile Issaih Nandinho felt was valid in his. “Only if I’m young and find someone then yes, I am going to remarry. Or else, just let me raise my children…” Offering an opinion on the topic, Eerike Ngutjiua said: “As tricky as this sounds, why not? He’s gone and I need to move on but it’s will take a while to make such a huge commitment again… This will also depend on my age, interests and if I had children with my husband.”

Concluding her statement, Ingula had this to say: “The answer is too personal to make a broad generalisation for people as every experience is so vastly different, but if you meet someone who you feel connected to, be respectful and grateful for the love that has once again come your way.”

In an age of information overload, Sunrise is The Namibian’s morning briefing, delivered at 6h00 from Monday to Friday. It offers a curated rundown of the most important stories from the past 24 hours – occasionally with a light, witty touch. It’s an essential way to stay informed. Subscribe and join our newsletter community.