Three’s Company What are modern day possibilities for Polygamy in Namibia?

34-year-old Rhodesia (Mroza) Buthelezi is a woman to envy. As a popular South African radio DJ presenting a drive-time show on Ukhozi FM, Mroza is young, talented, beautiful and full of undiscovered potential, living the dream of many young South African women. But there is more than meets the eye with Buthelezi.

She is also the fourth wife of renowned South African playwright and director, 55-year-old Mbongeni Ngema. He’s the guy that played Constable Sabena in the critically acclaimed movie ‘Sarafina!’ from back in the day. It’s one thing to be so young and someone’s second wife, but Mroza is his fourth wife, FOURTH, and she is OK with it. She says, “As long as there’s mutual respect among wives, nothing can go wrong.” Wise words from a woman who if judged by today’s hyper-critical standards is either very open minded or really backwards. But would Namibian society be as welcoming and cavalier about polygamous marriages as they are in South Africa? By now young women in Namibia have either choked on their coffee or spat in disgust. The polygamy vibe on the streets of Windhoek is not as warm.The Namibian this week reported that a new bill on marriages will spell the end of polygamous marital arrangements, if it goes through as it now stands.The Recognition of Customary Marriages Bill currently under consideration by the Law Reform and Development Commission would effectively outlaw the practice of marriage to more than one person at a time, regardless of whether it is a civil or customary marriage. Simon saysSouth Africa has a bit of a cheat-sheet when it comes to polygamy. The big daddy of polygamy in SA also happens to be the country’s president, Jacob Zuma, who has all of five wives, 20 children, and counting. South African law recognises and makes provision for traditional polygamous marriages, which makes polygamy a practise that is easy to accept there. And not just in remote rural areas without running water and DStv! Even in the big city, polygamy is embraced and practised by young, educated women. And if we thought that one man married to five wives is stretching the marital sheets a bit, spare a thought for 44-year-old Milton Mbhele who got married to three women at the same time, on the same day at the same ceremony – two of them 24 and one of them 23-years-old. Already married to one woman and having fathered 11 children, Milton’s reason for marrying three more women, and at the same time was first to save money and second to relieve his current wife of 12 years of the full-time duty of caring for him. That’s really what he said.Namibia too is no stranger to popular polygamous unions. Remember the Kamberipas? Back in 2007 Tjiuma Kamberipa made the news by simultaneously getting married to sisters Kangendje and Vaanda Kenaruzo. While polygamy is not commonly visible with people not openly admitting to having more than one wife, the fact that many men and women have more than one simultaneous sexual partner makes one wonder, why don’t Namibian’s just go ahead and do the polygamy thing instead?To tell you the truth…The question of polygamy when posed to a man is almost always followed by a smile, and a little mental trip to that happy place that many a suicide bomber hoped to find themselves in post bomb detonation. The first words that then follow the smile are ‘If my wife would let me…’ These are sentiments that cannot be shared with the mans’ partner or wife, for fear of actual physical injury. One man says that men are always looking at other women, and that men like different women for different reasons, and that’s what makes it easy for people to be sexually or emotionally attracted to more than one person at the same time. “To tell you the truth, I would not mind getting a second wife, but my wife has to be okay with it or else it will become a war zone,” says one man. Many other men echo these thoughts, and feel that men have both the emotional software and physical hardware to comfortably be with more than one woman at the same time. Many men spoken to completely refused to be named because they felt that saying yay to polygamy alluded to the fact that they were seeing someone on the side already. The majority of men spoken to think that modern day polygamy is very possible, but there is but one obstacle standing in the way of this (imaginary) blissful existence – the modern day woman.Over my dead bodyAsking your city dwelling sister whether she would consider being a second or third wife or allowing her husband to get one is like asking her if she would like to grow a third breast. On her forehead. For many city dwelling women, rich, poor, educated or not, the idea of polygamy is not very welcome. Actually, it’s not welcome all. Lisabeth Job doesn’t think she would accept her husband getting another wife. “There won’t be peace. I don’t think I can share my man with other woman like that so openly.” Lisabeth says that cheating is one thing, but going ahead and marrying someone else is a whole other issue. So would she rather he cheated? “Yes, an affair is temporary, but marriage is for life. I will be stuck dealing with this other woman for the rest of my life, nee man!” The common response given by most women when asked this is, ‘over my dead body! I don’t like the idea of sharing my man like that.’ Also, another big reason given is that the Bible and Christianity does not endorse or condone polygamy, and doing so would be directly disobeying Gods law. Shamie Jojo, who is a practising Muslim also feels that she would have a hard time accepting a second wife, despite Islam’s endorsement of the practise. Like Christian women, some Muslim women are also not big on sharing their men. “Personally it’s not my style,” says Sasha Ishimwe. “I believe in monogamy. But I do understand why some people practice it. Relationships are very complicated and I think two people need to find what works for them and if that entails seeing other people then so be it. I once read about a black married couple who practice polygamy. Each partner is allowed to date other people outside the marriage. So again, what works for one couple might not work for another.”Windhoek women approach polygamy as they would a bad weave – they don’t mind it, in fact they think it’s funny, as long as it’s not on their head. They feel that hey, if it works for them then that’s okay, as long he’s not trying it with me. This is sad news for the men that had hoped that women secretly like the idea of polygamy. The truth is that they don’t, not all of them anyway and definitely not your wives. The good news is that they can cross the border to South Africa where they can have a wife buffet, until Namibian women decide otherwise. But if I were a man – I wouldn’t hold my breath.

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