The Retired Parliamentarian Association of Namibia

I sincerely hope that when our lawmakers fought for the enormous salaries and benefits, they managed to wrangle in a clause for post-retirement psychological assistance benefits.

You can all agree that some people who were exposed to the things in the house may get post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

There will undoubtedly be many people who experience retirement syndrome, or the inability to plan their future. This is primarily because they would not have achieved as much without the help of their mothers’, aunts’ and fathers’ legacies anyway.

Speaker Katjavivi will undoubtedly require top-notch counselling and treatment to get rid of the word “ORDER”, in my opinion. It is impossible for someone to give such an order more than a thousand times every month without developing PTSD which would eventually drive him insane.

In a week, anyone may teach a dog to follow commands by saying “order”, but it appears the speaker will leave the chamber completely dissatisfied with his performance. We cannot maintain people who will not abide by basic norms, thus the honourable members can simply go and find other homes to keep them.

Although I could be hallucinating, I seem to recall the speaker almost referring to a member of the opposition as a comrade.

“Order, comr … Ae! Order, order, order!”

The issue is that there was a member of the opposition on the floor.

I burst out laughing but felt bad for him since it meant that his great party meetings would have also been disorderly and not just in parliament.

Think about how the soon-to-be-retired politician will maintain control when all the grandchildren are placed on his lap for a weekend of grandpa time.

“Order muatje uandje, order, order!” pleading with the one who resembles Bernadus Swartbooi not to spit sand in the other’s face.

He would then turn to the rounder one, as he kicks and screams on the floor in retaliation.

“No, no, no, order, please. I am on your side!”

He enjoys farming, and I would want to stow a recording device at the kraal on his property to film him begging the sacred cow to remain still so he could milk her.

“Order! Order! Ngombe arikana!”

Ii mundu uandje.

Is it too soon to suggest that he found and serve as president of the Retired Parliamentarians Association of Namibia (RPAN)?

To stay in the fight, Ms Sioka, Mr Schlettwein and Dr Kawana can all create some fictitious portfolios. However, the agreement is that the speaker must take his supporters along because I am unable to fathom anybody else being prepared to handle these comrades.

They must all just retire. Even the opposition.

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