The Psychology of Age Disparity

May-December romances have always been a thing and they probably will always be

In a previous Weekender issue, readers shared their opinions on age differences and dating. Many felt there was no problem with age differences in their relationships, as long as the people involved loved each other.

“Sometimes such a big gap can cause hiccups since the understanding and reasoning of these two people might differ as they are from different time eras and mostly it’s material or some people are looking for some old people who are not prey because they are just too old for cheating,” Pombili Evard said.

“Age is just a number, despite a person being 10 years younger. What matters is the person’s maturity. Having an older partner could be fun. S/he has experience – all sorts of experience, actually. S/he could be supportive, s/he is used to disappointments the moment you will want to leave it’s easy he/she will let go,” Rachel Tobias said.

But is this normal behaviour or is this a psychological issue? Traditionally, young women were required to marry older men, but this practice is slowly dying out, as it was often by force. But now, men and women are entering relationships where the age disparity is rife, but this time, willingly. According to psychologytoday.com, “it is a commonly accepted idea that men prefer the company of younger women, while women prefer men who are older. This is also in keeping with the parental investment theory, which maintains that men are attracted to women who advertise signs of fertility – that is, youth”.

This theory explains a sexual selection which is a form of a natural selection. In other words, there is a biological factor that explains why people are attracted to a member of a different sex – including age wise. The parental investment theory also explains that the reason people are attracted to older partners stems from a parental issue, but this of course, depends on what age you are.

“The age difference should not matter as long as both are older than 21 years of age and both are really in love,” psychologist Shaun Whittaker said. “However, if the age difference is more than 10 years, it could result in various challenges since the two could be in differing developmental stages. This could raise concerns about compatibility as, for example, one might still want to do the nightclub scene while the other is ready to settle down for a quiet life, different circle of friends with various interests, etc. These could be negotiated but would require good communication and a strong commitment. But it is not impossible to have a quality relationship despite the age gap.”

Calvin Broadus Eberhardt agreed. “Age is nothing but a number. In the end, it all depends on how much you love the person and how happy they make you. There are more important things in a relationship than age. I would date a lady that is 20 years older than me if she makes me happy.”

Keja Edwin also shared his opinion: “You can be older and stupid so age doesn’t really matter. What matters is respect, trust and how you handle things when it comes to a relationship.”

In the study ‘May-December Paradoxes: An Exploration of Age-Gap Relationships’, Justin Lehmiller and Christopher Agnew said “researchers should assess the extent to which individuals involved in age-gap relationships report that factors such as desire for sex/children/resources, belief in traditional gender roles, and perceived similarity were important in initial attraction to their current partner and play a role in relationship maintenance”.

And this puts forward the idea that there is still much to be researched in terms of age disparities, because it goes beyond heterosexual relationships and the psychology of it is broad. But there’s no doubt that as society progresses, relationships do the same too and there’s only more to understand, even though at the end of the day, happiness is the only thing crucial to a stable relationship.

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