The Issue of Infertility

Most people dream of having the perfect family. They picture themselves living in a comfortable house full of happy, playful children and a loving and supportive spouse.

But what happens when you find a partner who is unable to give you children?

Fertility and sterility is a possibility some of us will have to tackle at some point – but it doesn’t have to mean the end of the world, or your relationship. Despite the deep yearning to have your own biological child, options such as surrogacy and even adoption can bring you the fulfilment you yearn for.

No Children, No Marriage

“One of the purposes and reasons of being in a marriage is to have a family together. If there will be no children in the marriage, that is no longer a family neither a marriage,” Godson Matheus said. “Therefore, I will not marry knowing that there is no fruit of womb in her.”

This statement assumes the issue of infertility lies mainly with the woman, but in fact many men are sterile and unable to provide children to their wives too. This is why it is important to have medical tests done if, as a couple you are struggling to fall pregnant. It will help you determine the way forward in your marriage.

In author Steve Howard’s book, he revealed that the African society is structured around the lives of the children who represent continuity with tradition, economic stability and maintaining the household in future.

“We all know marriage is about starting a new chapter where partners become one in starting a family,” Meameno Salazar said. “So if there are no children, it will not work out no matter how much you love your partner.”

Felix Alumbungu had the same opinion. “The main reason [for marriage] is to have children. That’s why I’m advising people to first have children before they get married.”

While this statement may go against the traditional idea of marrying first and then having a family, often in true patriarchal culture, men feel the need to ‘test’ whether a woman can bear him a child or not, before marrying her, if ever.

Readers on Twitter also felt that children were important, especially in terms of culture, according to

@Nyerereh. “In the Aawambo culture, no man would want a lady who can’t give him sons and daughters. Family and society will put pressure on you.”

Fine Without Children

It has been widely reported that infertility and sterility in Namibia are on the rise. Despite this, there are many who feel that is no reason to abandon the love of their lives.

“It sickens me that people in our world hold such ignorant and hurtful attitudes towards those who are infertile and those who love them in spite of what that condition has taken away from them,” Eliaser Ndeyanale said.

“If my wife had another disability, I would not leave her; I would stick by her and we would face it together. Why should infertility be any different? I will walk this involuntary path of infertility with someone I love more than life itself and with whom I promised to stay with forever, no matter what.”

In Namibia, it was reported that one in every 10 couples suffer from fertility problems, ranging from a high number of people with low sperm counts or sexually transmitted diseases.

With this in mind, Neruth Xaweb believed that it was time for people to face the reality. “The purpose of marriage is to have a life partner, a lifelong buddy or a soulmate by your side. Children will eventually grow up and leave the nest. So in the end it should not be about being able to bear children, but finding someone to be your lifelong friend. Besides, nowadays there are many ways you can have children in cases of infertility. There have been advancements in medical science and infertility should not be an issue. There are many homeless children in orphanages hoping somebody comes for them… The love you have for each other must prevail over every circumstances or any situation.”

Nelago Kashinasha Kosbare had this to say about it: “I didn’t say yes to him because of children but because of the love that I have for him. Him not being able to give me a child is not a big issue because we can always adopt whenever we want to.”

Adoption in Namibia may have many requirements, is possible and is very fulfilling because it is taking a child who would otherwise have grown up as one of many in an orphanage and giving them the individual love and attention every child deserves and craves.

“Marriage is not only to make children but for people who love each other and want to grow old together,” Ndafuda Situation Nghipondoka expressed. “If your spouse is infertile and you want to have children, you can adopt as many as you want, rather than getting married to a person who you don’t love but for the sake of giving you children and ending up unhappy for the rest of your life.”

Twitter’s readers also had an opinion to share, including @Jurgman who said: “Yes, why not? Discussion is the building blocks of a relationship. I prefer no children. The world is a bad place already.”

Twitter user @queenalicious29 also agreed. “Love conquers all. Everything else is a bonus. There are so many ways to still be a family. Maturity and compromise will be the order of the day.”

Speaking from experience, Cynthia Du Plessis expressed her views as well: “ I can’t have children. Any man that thinks they are the only reason to marry me is not worth my time. The ability to have children is not the only thing a woman is.”

In The Middle

Gregory Goseb felt that although he wanted children, it didn’t mean that it was the end of the world for him. “I’m old school and will try everything possible medically to have children with her. We live in 2017 and many things have been made possible. A surrogate mother is an option if she (wife) can produce eggs. I can’t say for sure. I have to be in the situation to see what I really do.”

“I know of many guys who, whenever they start dating a new girl, first want to ‘test’ her by giving her a child thinking they would eventually end up marrying that girl just for things not to work out in the end. Then they go into a relationship and repeat the trend. At the end of the day, the brother has eight children from eight different women, for example.”

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