Tackling Single Parenthood

Starting a family can be one of the most exciting things to happen to us in our lives. You find the person you want to commit to, or sometimes it happens entirely by accident, but you optimistically look forward to parenthood and all the new experiences it will bring.

But like all things in life, parenthood can be unpredictable. You may find yourself widowed in the case of your partner dying unexpectedly or you might find yourself in the middle of an ugly custody battle when a relationship breaks down. You may even find yourself in the unenviable position of struggling to claim maintenance from a deadbeat partner.

Nobody goes into parenthood with the assumption that they are going to end up doing it alone, but single parenthood has become a reality for many. However, it does not need to be difficult, isolating or even a negative experience and the newly-launched Single Parent Support Foundation (SPS) hopes to help ensure that single parents and their children have all the support they need.

SPS was founded by Cecilie Haosemas, a single mother of two, who realised that there were no organisations that worked specifically with single parents, providing counselling and encouragement in order to encourage self-reliance and alleviate passion killing – a major problem in the country.

Haosemas believes that there is a correlation between passion killings and breakdowns in romantic relationships, which have a negative impact on the children borne from those relationships.

With her experience in counselling, working on development programmes as well as having previously worked as an employee wellness officer, Haosemas and her team aim to reach out to all 14 regions. Regional coordinators will work closely with members of the community, conducting baseline studies on why single parenting is on the rise, identifying what causes it region to region, conducting interviews with and offering support to single parents who need it, among other objectives.

“Financial pressures due to less financial resources, considering that the single parent is engaging in the responsibilities of two people single-handedly,” says Haosemas, is one of the challenges single parents face. “Living solely on a survival basis and not having comfortable living standards” is a daily occurrence for many single parents.

“Socio-economic challenges have created a culture of dependency where relationships are based on ‘what can I get out of this’ and an ‘I am the provider and as such I must call the shots’ attitude. Passion killings have become an almost daily occurrence in Namibia,” she said.

While society might be more open and understanding of the plight of single parents, there are still those who ostracise and marginalise people precisely for this reason.

Single parents are judged either because they were not able to make their relationships work or for having children out of wedlock.

There have been instances where in some churches, single parents are treated like they are less worthy than the rest of the congregation, forcing them to sit at the back and excluding them from certain church activities.

But support from their community is what single parents need most in order not to feel isolated.

“Another implication of being a single parent is the loneliness,” says Haosemas. “The desire and quest to have a partner, a soul-mate. The yearning for this often results in desperation and unhealthy relationships. You deeply want to fill a void of being a single parent.”

Hoasemas explains that sometimes single parents may seek out relationships for the socio-economic benefits.

“The short and long-term repercussions of these types of relationships are harmful for the children or result in passion killings, teenage pregnancies and substance abuse,” said Hoasemas.

Single mother of two Laurika Williams, a media personality, says the greatest challenges of single parenting are two-fold.

“It is always a lack of finances, and it is always a lack of time. Raising children is a costly affair and is something that affects your finances across all spheres. Housing, food, medical expenses, transport, everything doubles or triples, so maintaining a healthy financial state remains a massive challenge.

“Time, or the lack of it, is another prominent concern. Aligning my work schedule with their school schedule remains tricky. As a working mother juggling both motherhood and a career, it is not always possible to give them the time they deserve, whether it be attending athletic meetings, being as involved with school or extramural projects as one would like to be or helping out with homework. The lack of time is an extremely stressful component on both parent and child and it is saddening that most working single mothers are employed with companies or organisations that do not offer some sort of flexibility on lunch breaks, doctor appointments or emergency call outs to school.”

Williams believes better comprehension and understanding on the realities faced by single parents is needed.

“We are living in a country where there is little to no support given to single parents from government, so a better understanding from the outside world especially from employers and from educational institutions would be a welcome relief,” she said.

“As single parents we carry a load traditionally shared by two people, financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually and that is something that should be lauded and supported.”

Despite the breakdown of your relationship, both you and your partner are still responsible for maintaining our children, regardless whether you were married or not.

An average of 4 000 to 5 000 complaints are filed each year against parents who refuse to take financial responsibility for their children.

The Maintenance Act of 2003 makes provisions that the costs of pregnancy and birth related expenses can be included in maintenance claims. In cases where someone doesn’t have a cash income to pay for maintenance, they are allowed to contribute to the maintenance for the child in kind, for example providing livestock like cattle to help provide for the child.

Where a parent defaults on maintenance payments, it will be possible to utilise simple procedures to attach property or wages. Criminal charges will be used only as a last resort, meaning that the sentences for willful failure to pay maintenance are likely to become tougher.

The law is even-handed. Maintenance recipients who abuse maintenance money by using for themselves instead of for the child can also now be punished.

The new law emphasizes maintenance as a mechanism for the needs of the children, instead of a power struggle between mother and father. It should be a step forward in putting children first.

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