‘Secret Obsession’

Look, if you’re of the ilk who likes their movies trashy, predictable and totally redundant once you’ve seen the trailer, ‘Secret Obsession’ (2019) is your jam.

Starring Brenda Song and Mike Vogel, the story begins in media res as Jennifer (Song) runs away from a shadowy bad guy who’s presumably trying to gut her like a fish.

Lucky for Jen, she gets hit by a car then amnesia before her good-looking husband (Vogel) rushes in to nurse her back to health. This before spiriting her away to their secluded woodland home where there is zero phone service, Wi-Fi or anything remotely beneficial when you’re screaming blue murder.

To say much more would give the game away much in the same way Netflix does in the film’s trailer, so let’s leave it at that. Seriously, don’t watch the trailer. Instead, press play and know who the villain is about 10 minutes into the movie then spend the rest of it wondering why the film is made entirely of plot holes.

To be clear, ‘Secret Obsession’ is bad.

Not good bad. Just bad in a way that is mesmerising, eye-roll inspiring and will have you searching its tag on Twitter just to confirm or deny its badness.

Though it’s great to see Brenda Song as the lead while Dennis Haysbert skulks about seemingly way below his pay grade, the film is a mess and launches the woman in peril chestnut into an incredibly shallow realm of the ridiculous.

Stream this if you like thrill-less thrillers, great-looking leads and a little less life.

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