Robert Mugabe’s Last Laugh

Robert Mugabe always has the last laugh. He had last laughs in life and now in death he must be chuckling endlessly from wherever he is now.

The former Zimbabwean prime minister and then president who presided over his country for about 37 years died last week at the age of 95 after a long illness. Yes, Robert Mugabe has always been ill. What saved him and extended his years was the super-class medical treatment he received at the expense of the taxpayers.

While his people endured medieval health facilities, Robert Mugabe would be flown to Singapore for medical check-ups. Sometimes and most of the times, he commandeered the only Air Zimbabwe aircraft to just go for a medical check-up. That kept him going, but that changed when he was dumped in November 2017 during a coup that was not a coup.

But I digress. The issue is that Robert Mugabe always has the last and longest laugh. This time even in his death, he is laughing long and loud. That detail is for later.

Abandoned by a party – Zanu-PF – of which he was one of founders before he was pushed up while he had his arms folded, Mugabe was dumped unceremoniously. Indeed, those who licked his dusty shoes throughout his time in office, threw sand at him.

They called him a dictator even though a few days before the coup they had been singing praises and following his youth rallies where most were embarrassed and held to scorn. Indeed, Robert Mugabe was literally thrown into the dust bin of history.

Not one to forgive easily, which could be a sign of one who was never used to losing battles, Robert Mugabe turned his back against his party and openly vouched for the opposition, the MDC, whose members he had tormented beyond measure and whose leader he almost had sent to the gallows over spurious treason charges.

The opposition welcomed him with wide open arms because having him on their side was a massive endorsement. The belief was that Robert Mugabe still commanded the rural voters’ respect. His decision irked his successor, Emmerson Mnangagwa, who was trying hard but unsuccessfully to have Robert Mugabe, with whom he had spent more than 50 years, on his side.

Zanu-PF was thrown into disarray. Whether the anguish Robert Mugabe caused to his former party comrades or servants had any effect, the result was that even in his grumpiness the shrewd leader had the last laugh, albeit not for long, because for all their pretence, Zanu-PF still feared their godfather.

Now in his death, Robert Mugabe is having the last laugh because both Zanu-PF and MDC want him. Mnangagwa hurriedly left the World Economic Forum in South Africa last week when he heard about Robert Mugabe’s death. The reason was that he was going to prepare for the burial. In actual fact, Mnangagwa feared that the MDC and Mugabe’s family would take charge of the body.

Although Zanu-PF and Mnangagwa declared Robert Mugabe a national hero, thereby opening up his path to be buried at Zimbabwe’s Heroes Acre, the family seems to be playing their cards close to their chests regarding the old man’s last wishes.

On Monday this week, the Zimbabwean government invited heads of state and government to attend the funeral ceremony set for tomorrow, but hastily advised them to depart for their countries soon after. Where in Africa has that been done when a person of Robert Mugabe’s stature dies? Who invites people for a funeral and then sends them away before the burial?

The fact is that Zanu-PF does not know what Robert Mugabe, even in death, wants. Of course, there have been rumours that he had said he would not want to be buried at the Heroes Acre and have those who embarrassed him preside over his burial.

Although the Mugabe family spokesperson Leo Mugabe denied this earlier in the week, he was later quoted saying that as a leader and according to the Mugabes’ culture, his burial must be carried out in secrecy. He also said that most people should not know where and how Robert Mugabe should be buried.

True to his character, Robert Mugabe is having the last and longest laugh. Just as it was in life where people guessed his intentions and next move, Robert Mugabe is once again causing conflict among the living. And as it has always been with Robert Mugabe, he has not said or done anything. In death as he was in life, Robert Mugabe is watching while others jostle for his sake. Indeed, having that last and longest laugh.

In the 1990s, when the economy was melting down, Mugabe had running battles with the war veterans, who were demanding compensation. For months, Mugabe refused to meet them. When he was finally forced to meet them, he was cornered and he awarded them hefty pay-outs that drove the economy further into the mud.

Looking back, one would conclude that Mugabe agreed to award the war vets because he wanted to use them against looming danger – the opposition that was gathering momentum. Indeed, in 2000, Mugabe’s bid to change the constitution was defeated. That was his first defeat ever since he became a politician. But being Mugabe, he stood back and let the war vets fight his cause while he had his last laugh.

By 2000, with the opposition intact, Mugabe was in a tight corner. But the war vets came around when they invaded farms and unleashed a reign of terror. Initially, Mugabe ordered the police minister to drive out the war vets but stopped when he realised that he would stand to laugh last and loudest.

Those chaotic land seizures earned Mugabe 17 more years in power. The world was divided over his continued rule while he laughed last because the problems that affected his people as well as the sanctions never touched him.

With the coup, most people thought that Mugabe was done and that he would die quietly. But as the case is now, he is refusing to exit without causing some ructions. So whatever story of and about Mugabe you have, it does not matter now because in death, he has maintained his style.

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