Of Mice… And of Men

By virtue of being a Single Mom, chances are you’ve encountered your fair share of mice.

Mice of the Male variety.

And what are mice, you might ask?

Well, mice are as mice do. They bite and chew and gnaw holes into your clothes (read: your life, your heart and your sanity), they run and hide behind the fridge when the lights come on (read: when the sh*it hits the fan) and they always, come rain or shine, try to get the cheese. (This column is PG13. You don’t really expect me to spell out what ‘ The Cheese’ is, do you?!)

As single moms we’ve all been there – Lovers of Mice.

We’ve been attracted to Mice. We’ve loved Mice. We’ve made love to Mice. We’ve believed lies told by Mice. We’ve been hurt by Mice.

But Mice, furry, scurvy, pesky rodents as they are, contrary to the word’s derogatory insinuation, are not without their praise. We are who we are, because we were lucky enough to be … well… moused around.

Did I just belittle all your heartbreak, broken promises and unrequited love to …luck?

Yes.

Yes I did.

Because when the universe bestows upon you the bad, the dark and the ugly, it is only ever to bless you with the mighty, superhuman, superpower of differentiation.

You can’t know the light, if you haven’t encountered the dark.

And so, on the flip side of our rodent friends/ lovers/ ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands, are The Men.

Mythical, mystical creatures. Men, truly, just as they say in the song, are hard to find.

And yet, really aren’t.

When a million years ago I made the life-altering decision to become a Single Mom and walk away from The Trolls’ dad, who exhibited mouse behaviour I wasn’t comfortable with, I thought I would never encounter a real Man, let alone have my kids have a real Man to emulate.

I was wrong.

My kids – my two beautiful, strong, fiercely loyal and extremely protective sons – are the Men they are today, precisely because they have had the incredible opportunity to be shaped by a myriad of Man-ness.Mr Best Friend Man. My childhood best friend who saw them through infancy to age eight… and who taught them about non-traditional manhood. How black and white are just colours. And humanity.

Mr Mom’s Best Boyfriend Man. (About five boyfriends back!) Who taught them about the value of family, community, brother loyalty… and how to throw a punch.

Mr Favourite Uncle Man. My sister’s husband. Who taught them about hard hands and bruised knees. Tip: a Man’s hands are hard because he works with them. And his knees are bruised…because he prays on them.

Mr Nice Neighbour Man. Who taught them how to bypass WiFi passwords, access pirate sites to download movies and how to exercise so you look like The Rock .

And Mr Brother Man. My work mate/ laugh mate/ cry mate/ God mate/ Zula for lunch mate. And also the closest thing my boys and I have to an actual confidant in this new town we call our home.

So what is the difference between a Mouse and a Man? Well, flip the coin girls. A man doesn’t make holes. He fixes them. A Man doesn’t hide behind the fridge – he stands and fights. And a Man doesn’t go for the cheese… he waits for the cheese to be offered to him.

A thousand apologies for dropping off the face of the planet recently. I wasn’t gone. I was on a gut-wrenching odyssey of self-remembrance.

And… I was looking.

At Men.

– urbansinglemom@gmail.com

In an age of information overload, Sunrise is The Namibian’s morning briefing, delivered at 6h00 from Monday to Friday. It offers a curated rundown of the most important stories from the past 24 hours – occasionally with a light, witty touch. It’s an essential way to stay informed. Subscribe and join our newsletter community.